For legal purposes--and because my mother might read this--I must tell you I can not confirm or deny that I’ve been arrested in Las Vegas. Let us just say, one way or another, I have intimate knowledge of what happens when you get arrested in Vegas. Maybe I’m just a good journalist. Yes, let’s go with that.

After my impressive investigative reporting I’ve learned what to expect if you fall upon the misfortune of being arrested in Sin City. I also know that this situation seems to happen to many of you tourists who let the party get away from you. So here are some tips on how to handle finding yourself on the wrong side of the Vegas law...

Don’t Resist Arrest

You are not a world-class cat burglar (are you?). Resisting the police will not end well. On top of whatever you are being arrested for, you will also be charged with resisting arrest. Try to stay calm or as calm as you can be while you’re that drunk. And always be respectful. This is the beginning of what will be a long and unpleasant experience, being respectful to the police will minimize that unpleasantness.

Silence is Golden

You are probably being framed, I believe you. It was the one-armed man. Even if that is true, nothing good can come from talking about it. Once you are arrested, there is literally nothing you can say or do to change that fact. You cannot help yourself by talking. What talking can and most likely will do is get you into more trouble. "What you say can and will be held against you in a court of law" isn’t something they say because it sounds cool, it’s true. Until you have a lawyer present, you stay silent. Cooperate, be polite, but say nothing.

Learn to Be Patient

If you are lucky, when you get arrested it will be on the tail end of the paddywagon’s trip around Las Vegas. If that van is empty when you get in, they will circle the city until it’s full. Rounding up drunks and escorts is a job that never ends here in Vegas, and that police van doesn't return downtown half full. It may be hours in the paddywagon before you even get to a holding cell.

Hopefully, they aren’t changing shifts when you do get to the holding cell because you will be there a while (four hours in one unnamed source’s experience) before facing a judge for arraignment.

During arraignment you will enter a plea of "guilty", "not guilty", or "no contest".

If you plead "not guilty" a date is set for a formal trial. This is where you will be assigned a bail; your bail amount will depend on the severity of the crime you are being arrested for. You are then processed—the part with the mug shot and fingerprints and all that fun stuff you see on the celebrity news sites. Finally, you get your phone call.

Final Thoughts

All in all, you are in for a long night. If I could give you one piece of advice it would be to not get arrested. Avoid it completely. If I could give you a 2nd piece of advice, it would be to call a Las Vegas bail bonds agent. You do not want to spend any more time in a Clark County jail cell than you have to. You will not make friends there. You will not enjoy the smell. You will be up all night.

Not that I would know personally...this is just what I've been told.