Every year, thousands of Americans get divorced. According to the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri, around 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. That's a huge amount of heartbreak and financial hardship every year.

Worst of all - in most of these cases, there are children involved. And an increasing number of those families are being torn apart through the sly manipulation of divorce legalities in which a completely innocent father is involved in fighting a restraining order against phony abuse allegations. So it may cross some of these fathers' minds to wonder if a father can win custody of their kids whilst fighting a restraining order - well, this article has been written to shout a resounding YES!

I'm going to share some general advice regarding how to defend yourself if your ex decides to invent domestic abuse allegations. We all need advice on how to cope in life, and an ex who is determined to make your life a hell is one of the most stressful things that can happen to a father.

1. Get emotional and practical support anywhere you can.

Unlike women during a separation, divorce rights for fathers isn't a topic that's discussed amongst groups of male buddies. There is a massive lack of emotional and practical support for fathers who find themselves being victimised during a divorce. I didn't know anyone who could offer advice to me when my three year divorce battle started, and it was only by the brief mention of a colleague's ex-wife problems that I found someone who'd been through the process before to talk with.

2. Gather all evidence to support your case.

This includes paperwork, witness statements, receipts, phone bills, letters and emails. Make sure that you gather anything that could support your case and keep them in a safe place. You can request that a third party goes to collect these things on your behalf, or arrange for the court's intervention with these things (e.g. in the case where an email is on the family computer). Whatever the details of your own situation, just make sure that you gather irrefutable evidence which supports your side of the argument.

For example, my ex claimed that she was living in constant fear of me one weekend when I'd come home from a December business trip in a bad mood. Thanks to the airline tickets I'd saved as part of my company expense return, I could prove to the court that the Sunday night shouting and shoving match she'd invented never happened, because I was away until the Monday on that trip. She'd forgotten, or not realised, I was smart enough to hunt for evidence to support my claim - unfortunately, it was "her word against mine" until I produced those documents.

3. If you choose to employ a lawyer, make sure he or she is a good one.

Until the morning a police officer knocked on my parents' house to serve me with a restraining order, I'd never had any run-ins with the law. I'd literally never even had a speeding ticket. So I didn't know a lawyer to call when I decided to hire one to fight my case. I just picked one at random from a listing and assumed he was fighting hard for me. Not long after, I had to fire him. I realised that he didn't have the in-depth family law knowledge my case needed - I seemed to know a lot more about the law regarding my case than him! He might have been a great lawyer to get a divorce settlement with, but I needed one to get my kids back for me. This father was determined to figure out how to win custody - the house, car and maintenance payments could be wrestled with later.

So make sure that you get one who comes recommended from a good source (a friend or relative who's been through a similar thing), is local to your area (in my case, the lawyer was also an hour's drive away, which didn't help) and who deals with cases like yours all the time.