Leading a team is no easy task. Making use of proper team building tools and evaluating the people on your team is essential. Even the most experienced team leader, at some time or another, has left a meeting totally frustrated.

Team mates who were great as acquaintances or were even good friends in a different environment, are now irritating, frustrating and difficult to work with. No one seems able to listen to each other, and coming to some consensus is impossible. There are deadlines and there is an impasse!

How do you regain some energy? How do you get yourself going again?

Do you settle for whatever path has the least resistance? Do you go for the quick fix or the long haul?

Every leader will face these choices; probably many times if they lead regularly. Every leader will be tempted to quit or to settle unless they get some help or support.

Leadership can feel like a very lonely task. How easy it is to forget the incredible potential of truly working together?

Recently I was given the opportunity to lead a volunteer team of very gifted women whom I had been actually been able to choose. I was excited but also a little intimidated. Would they respect my leadership? How would we work together? Could I avoid being overly controlling even though we had some deadlines?

Our first meeting happened and at the end of it I found myself second guessing even my initial team selection. What had I been thinking? No one could agree on even some very basic decisions. I felt like I had a group dominated by some very extroverted, opinionated women who totally shut down some more reflective introverted thinkers in the group. One woman just dug in and would not listen or discuss, but her body language said it all!

As I later talked with a mentor of mine, I knew I had a choice. Take control and become a task force where I gave the orders and everyone did what I asked, OR sit back a while. Watch, listen and dialogue some more! Wait for some consensus. I had to risk an escalation of the conflict for a while. I did not like that. But I also knew I did not have all the answers. I needed to show respect for my team members and let them brainstorm some solutions to the impasse we had come to. I had to remember the potential power of team work.

I also revisited the results of some personality type assessments we had done a while before. I reminded myself that these women were not setting out to be difficult. They were just very different from each other but each had very clear strengths and I needed to affirm them and utilize them.

We emailed and we kept meeting. Instead of coming up with my own solutions I kept asking "what do you all think about this?" "What do you think would work?" I discovered that together our solutions were so much better than mine, and they began to truly own what we were setting out to do.

We actually began to listen to each other rather than just press our personal agendas. We learned the value of being quiet and giving a voice to the more introverted internal processors in the group.

I began to realize that what at first seemed like intransigent digging in by one member of the group, was really deep passion and commitment to a cause. We needed her heart! She was able to see the big picture and communicate it in a much better way than I ever did at that first meeting.

Another person started to open up about a personal crisis her family was going through which gave us all understanding as to why she was so abrasive in our first discussion.

Our frustrated and very intuitive member finally felt safe enough to speak up and what she did say was both wise and profound. She gave us much food for thought in a major piece of decision making.

We started affirming what each other was bringing to the table. There is now energy and excitement again. We have a long road ahead and lots of events to plan and causes to take on. I am sure there will be other days when I have a headache following a meeting but I am learning to ask for help when I am stuck. I remind myself frequently of whom each woman is and what their unique personality brings to the table.

I am also learning to be vulnerable. I need this team. I don’t have all the answers. When life gets overwhelming we are learning to carry each other through one another’s rough spots and that is an unexpected gift. Together we are making a difference and that is worth the headache!