All She Wanted to Do Was Dance: A Repressed Memory from Childhood Paralyzed the Dancer

Health & Fitness

  • Author Dr. Ronda Behnke
  • Published June 23, 2011
  • Word count 2,518

"They couldn’t find anything physically wrong," Brandi stated on the telephone. "I’ve been through every test in the book."

It had been 6 weeks since Brandi, 32, had taken her last step; she had no control over her legs, therefore walking was impossible. As part of a dance team, the inability to walk also meant she was unable to dance and make a living. As her dance partner felt he had given Brandi enough time to heal, he was now looking for another partner for the performance that was now only 8 weeks away.

The Medical Doctors Were Confused

Although Brandi was given the medical diagnosis of "partial paralysis," her paralysis was not usual. She could not move her legs and the reflexes were slowed; however all sensory impulses were unaffected. She could still feel anything that touched her legs; she was not in pain. Brandi had undergone many medical tests including a spinal tap (lumbar puncture), an MRI, ultrasound, and a complete examination with a lot of blood work.

When nothing could be found, she was prescribed the antidepressant medication Prozac® (fluoxetine) even though she had no depressive symptoms. After two weeks of taking the antidepressant drug, Brandi became very depressed and thought of suicide. Convinced it was a reaction to the drug, she stopped the drug and the suicidal ideations ceased a few days later. Brandi vowed never to take another antidepressant drug again.

As there was technically no physical cause to the paralysis, Brandi sought the care of a mental-health counselor. "All she [the counselor] focused on was the performance," Brandi stated. "The counselor felt that the fear of the upcoming performance must have caused the paralysis." Brandi also realized that the counselor felt she, Brandi, was at fault for her current dilemma as the counselor repeatedly told Brandi: everything that occurs in a person’s life is because the person either wanted it to happen or that it was a mirror-image of the person’s beliefs.

After a few sessions, Brandi felt despair as either something she was thinking was causing the paralysis, or she needed the paralysis to teach her a lesson. As Brandi had the personality trait of being highly anxious, the teachings of the counselor impacted her anxiety greatly. Brandi became very depressed. When she realized she was getting no help from the counselor (in fact, she was making things worse), Brandi stopped seeing the counselor; a friend suggested Homeopathy.

How It All Started

Brandi had been to a health-food store to find a supplement to help with her anxiety about the upcoming performance; she also had a lingering cough from a cold that was slow to pass. There, she was muscle-tested (applied kinesiology) to determine what supplements could best assist her. Based on the findings, Brandi was given a Bach Flower Essence and a supplement to "boost her immune system." After taking the Essence and supplement, she experienced severe shin pain in both of her legs. Thinking she had over-worked in preparation for the performance, she took a hot bath. It was when she was in the bathtub that she realized she could no longer move her feet. Within a couple of hours, she had lost all ability to move her legs.

Immediately she went to the Emergency Room and was subsequently admitted to the hospital. Thus started the testing to find the cause.

Still being wheel-chair bound six weeks later, Brandi sought the care of a Classical Homeopath.

What Had Changed?

The initial interview with Brandi was compelling. As she had so many medical tests to rule out pathogenic or structural causes, the answer seemed to lie in Brandi’s emotions and thought processes (the "Mentals"). As Brandi was very loquacious and very organized, it was easy to follow the trail of events from the night when she first discovered she couldn’t move her legs to where she was today.

With Homeopathy, the Homeopath must look at what has changed in a person’s life when looking for a Homeopathic Remedy to assist with healing. For most people with new ailments or injuries, it is relatively easy to spot the changes. The changes that occur in a person are a sign that the body is trying to heal; the symptoms are the body’s way of telling the Homeopath which Remedy is needed.

For Brandi, she noticed two major changes, not counting the inability to move her legs:

  1. She no longer had a fear of choking—all her life she had had difficulty swallowing meat or pills because she felt she would choke on them. Now, she no longer had that fear.

  2. She had no fear regarding the inability to walk—Brandi was usually very anxious in all matters that pertained to her health. In this instance, however, she had no fear; she knew she would walk again.

Hidden Clues

As the changes came upon Brandi suddenly, I looked at what happened the few days before the onset of her symptoms:

• She had a chiropractic adjustment—she had been under regular chiropractic care for the past 7 years. The adjustment was not traumatizing and nothing out of the ordinary.

• She was recovering from a cold that left her with a residual cough. She had not treated the cough until the day she went to the health-food store for the supplement. (Medical tests had revealed she did not have Guillain-Barre Syndrome).

• She worked and practiced her dance routine. There was nothing out of the ordinary in these aspects either.

• She had gone to Wednesday night church service and cried. This was unusual as she usually was not emotional in church. However she was feeling some anxiety about the upcoming performance and the sermon was about being successful in all aspects of your life by putting God first in all things.

• On the day of the paralysis (before the paralysis), she had helped a friend pack boxes as the friend was moving in a couple of weeks. (Brandi became fidgety and avoided eye contact when she mentioned this).

Based on the fidgetiness and avoidance of eye contact with the last statement, I asked about the experience. Brandi dismissed it as nothing and tried to avoid the topic. After a while, she went back to that afternoon and said she had been in the basement for about an hour packing the boxes. The friend’s cat had come down the stairs and scared her. Brandi really loves animals, so she thought it odd that she had become frightened by the cat. It wasn’t that she was afraid of the cat, per-se; it was that it had been quiet in the basement and the cat had rubbed up against her when she didn’t know he, the cat, had been there.

I asked Brandi to remember a time when she had felt that fright before. To my surprise, she laughed. "It’s nothing," she stated. "It was a dream I had as a child. More like a nightmare. But kids don’t remember nightmares into their adulthood do they?"

But she remembered the nightmare for her entire lifespan. She had been in the basement when a man reached out to touch her. She had awakened screaming and had run through the house looking for her mother. She had been told it was a dream. But she still had remembered it and continued to remember it.

When Brandi imparted the story, the smile and joking mannerisms disappeared. Her voice flexures also changed; she now used small words and spoke in a higher-pitched voice.

As we explored the dream from her youth, Brandi knew so many details that it could not have been a dream or nightmare—it had to have happened.

She had been living in Ohio at the time (had moved from Ohio when she was 3 years old). She had followed her cat into the basement; she hadn’t wanted him to go down there so she was planning to bring him back upstairs. She described the layout of the house, the darkness of the basement, the light bulb hat hung from the ceiling for lighting, the coldness of the basement, the tall skinny man, etc.

Then she asked me if it had been real. Without waiting for a reply, she realized it had been real—it was a memory that she repressed from her childhood.

Repressed Memories

Although the incident that caused the paralysis today happened 30 or so years earlier; in order to cope and survive, her child-mind changed the situation to make it something she could understand, and then repressed it so that she would not suffer further.

Often times a repressed memory resurfaces in adult-hood when the adult is able to look at the situation through new eyes. The human body and mind always strives to heal and be balanced; in childhood, often the best balance is to forget the incident.

In Brandi’s case, being frightened by the cat in the basement as ad adult was probably the trigger to the repressed incident from her youth when she had followed her cat into the basement then was frightened in that basement.

Much speculation has been made as to the validity of repressed memories from traumatic incidences in one’s youth. Was the event real? How accurate is the memory? And so forth. Many adults who had been traumatized as children begin to remember the incidences while they are in therapy, leading many experts to believe the memories are false, that they were "implanted" by the therapist to explain a person’s emotional challenges and antisocial behaviors. However, some memories surface from some trigger that is similar to something in the past; hence the memory that was in the unconscious mind suddenly becomes part of the conscious mind.

Whether or not Brandi’s memory was accurate, part of her believed it to be true and her body was acting accordingly. I gave her Aconitum napellus (also called Aconite) for "ailments after fright" and to assist her with the emotional turmoil that was unleashed during her visit, and recommended she talk with a new counselor or close friend.

The following day, Brandi called to say she was walking again—but not walking well. It was as if she was learning to walk again. She took steps, but her legs felt weak and wobbly. Her medical doctor suggested physical rehab to strengthen her legs again; he had the belief that Brandi’s legs were weak due to lack of use.

Now True Healing Began

As the Aconite helped but did not completely resolve the symptoms, Brandi took another dose. When no further changes had occurred, a deeper-healing remedy was sought.

Changes from the Norm:

• Lower extremity weakness that came on suddenly.

• Confusion about past events.

• Lack of fear or anxiety about current health condition.

• No fear of choking.

Generals & Mentals:

• Great anxiety about cancer; does not get sun exposure unless she is wearing sunscreen as she is afraid of getting skin cancer.

• Perfectionist; hates to make mistakes or be criticized after a performance.

• Blames self for just about everything.

• Creative.

• Dancer. "I HAVE to dance—I can’t live without it!"

• Loves animals, especially cats.

• Pulls hair when anxious or angry (small patches of missing hair on the top of her head).

• Loves to travel, especially to beaches and warm weather (although she fears getting skin cancer).

• Will go to work even if she is sick; "the show must go on".

• Takes great responsibility for actions.

Other Important Details:

• Mother died of breast cancer at age 47; she also had Crohn’s Disease and chronic psoriasis. All conditions treated medically.

• Father died of lung cancer at age 46. He was a heavy smoker and was an alcoholic. Brandi had no communication with him after the divorce.

• Parents had divorced when Brandi was 12. Lived with mother after the divorce; mother never remarried.

• No siblings.

• Eats only 2 meals daily to keep her slim; "dancers need to be thin if they want to work".

Reasoning & Rationale:

• As the medical tests found no physical pathology (cause) for the leg paralysis, it is probable that the changes in Brandi’s health were caused by the repressed memory.

• After the dose of Aconite, Brandi began to "toddle" as a toddler—the supposed age of the repressed memory.

Action:

• Carcinosin (most of her mental features and generals indicated this remedy).

• Call in 2 days with update.

• Be evaluated based on changes from the Carcinosin.

Response:

Within a few hours of taking the new remedy, Brandi was able to walk freely without difficulty. She had no leg pain or weakness. She had even tried a few dance moves and completed them as if she had not lost the use of her legs for those 6 weeks.

But her mind was in turmoil. She had been shown a part of her past that had been forgotten. As an adult, part of her didn’t know if it had actually happened. To her, it was if it had been a bad dream.

As Brandi was able to regain the use of her legs quickly after starting Homeopathic care, she and her partner were able to dance at the performance 7 weeks later.

Brandi continues to dance with her dance partner, gracing the audience with silken moves and dazzling stunts.

Behind the scenes, Brandi works with a counselor (a different one than before) and Homeopath to heal the wounds of the past that had surfaced when she realized that her dream had not been a dream but had been reality. The incident in the basement as an adult opened her mind to a part of her that had been hidden for 30 years—the catalyst was the cat in the basement that had surprised Brandi by his presence.

The mind is a very powerful part of the person; nearly anything imaginable can occur when the mind is involved: diseases can form, books can be written, dreams can be attained, and a dancer can become paralyzed.

When looking to heal, always look at what the mind has to say—it may hold the key to unlocking the lock that keeps healing from unfolding.

Best wishes,

Dr. Ronda

As a side note, if you are ever working with a counselor or health professional who blames you for any illness or condition you have, it is a good idea to consider another professional. It may be true that something you are thinking is contributing to your current health or emotional state; however no blame should be placed upon you. If you are willing to heal, you will discover if something you are thinking or doing is contributing to your health and then you can heal those thoughts or actions. No blame is required. Blaming yourself or your health status is counter-productive and will only create more blocks to your healing. I implore you to not go down the road of self-blame; please choose healing and understanding instead.

Disclaimer: The information provided by Dr. Ronda is for educational purposes only. It is important that you not make health decisions or stop any medication without first consulting your personal physician or health care provider.

Dr. Ronda Behnke is a distinguished practitioner of Classical Homeopathy and other Natural Healing methods. As co-founder of The Homeopathic Centers of America, Dr. Ronda passes on what she has learned through her seminars, articles, books and when working with individuals. You can contact Dr. Ronda via the www.MyHCA.org or by calling 920-558-9806.

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