When your spouse is depressed or discouraged, it can be challenging living with a depressed spouse. Biblical marriage is described as "two becoming one." As Christian marriage counselors, our phrase is .. marriage is me becoming we without losing me. We become so intertwined with our loved ones that we tend to feel what they are feeling. When your spouse drifts into a state of depression, demonstrating depression symptoms, it can be isolating - for both of you. Your question is .. what is the next step to helping a spouse with depression?

There are many reasons why we get discouraged and down. Many of them occur from situations in our lives, such as a job loss, the death of a loved one, or financial duress. Being unhappy isn't the same as being depressed. Depression is a term often used loosely to describe how we feel after a bad week at work or when we are disappointed. However, a major depressive disorder is much more complicated.

Empower yourself by learning to recognize the specific symptoms and signs of depression is integral part of supporting a spouse with depression. This knowledge can help you determine whether your spouse is experiencing depression or just a case of the Monday Blues. Your second step is to encourage your spouse to seek the help they need.

Some of the depression symptoms or warning signs of major depression are:

· Changed Feelings. Has your spouse's outlook on life changed? Do these words describe their outlook: hopeless, helpless, worthlessness, self-hate, or inappropriate guilt, "It's all my fault," or "What's the point?".

· Lost Interest. Has your spouse stopped doing the things he/she used to love? Did he miss hunting season? Has she stopped cooking or babysitting the grandkids? When was the last time you got together with friends?

· Fatigue and Sleep. Have your spouse's sleep patterns changed, such as sleeping all the time or not sleeping at all?

· Anxiety & Irritability. Have you noticed a change in your spouse's nervousness and irritability? Be careful; research shows the sexes react differently to depression. Women are more likely to hide their feelings, while men tend to verbalize, in unhealthy ways, their anxiety.

· Appetite & Weight. Has your spouse's weight and appetite changed? Is this change unintentional?

· Uncontrollable Emotions. Do your spouse's emotions rapidly change? One minute, it's an outburst of anger; the next, crying uncontrollably with nothing prompting the change.

Picasso's painting The Old Guitarist is an excellent depiction of depression. The painting is of a poor, blind guitarist who relies on the income he earns from playing the guitar to live. The flat, two-dimensional picture has no reference to time and place. Muted blue colors create a feeling of melancholy and focus on the sorrowful person. The guitarist shows no sign of life; the guitar is dull brown. Interestingly, the painting implies that, despite the isolation, the guitarist depends on society for survival.

If you recognize the symptoms listed above in your spouse, it may or may not be depression; these symptoms can be caused by a range of problems. Seek out the help of a Biblical Counselor for input as to the next step.

However, your role as a supportive spouse is crucial. Even if you feel like you are not helping or can't help, you CAN. Your encouragement can make a significant difference. Remember, sometimes, in life, there are no easy answers or solutions. We all need help with some problems.

The greatest gift you can give your spouse is your belief in them, your dedication to prayer, and your determination to get them the help they need. But don't forget about yourself. You also need emotional support and friendship as you strive to be the rock your spouse may need to lean on.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NIV) Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are doing.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the authors' knowledge. It is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a

qualified professional.

www.discoverycounseling.org

© 2025 Cheryl Gowin and Dennis Gowin