I will never consider myself an addict even if I’ve been taking Tramadol for several years. There many moments when I said to myself that I’d quit and that withdrawal was not be a dramatic experience but I just could not handle going through a rough patch. Don’t get me wrong; I know am addicted to Tramadol but I don’t have the necessary strength to identify me with the personality and feelings of an addict. The number of pills I take increases every day and frankly I do not know if there is any solution.

I started to take Tramadol 10 years ago when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, a rheumatic disorder generally characterized by extra-articular symptoms, with increased pain and stiffness of the muscles. After I could not get the prescription for Tramadol refilled, I went online and searched for it intensely. I could not believe it when I found it available and purchased it even if the price was quite high. I knew from the very first moment that something was not ok, that I should stop and the only person I’m hurting was I. Tramadol seemed perfect when I needed pain-relief but I also enjoyed taking it because it provoked appetite loss (I’ve always had weight problems). Silly me, I thought that Tramadol solved two problems at once; instead, it would only make me feel so much worse.

Worried so much about having a perfect figure and fighting with the disease at the same time, I lost count of how many pills of Tramadol I took in one day, sometimes taking an extra dose just in case. Well, even though I did not recognize to have an addiction, the fact that I experienced pain on the right side, I could not sleep or had a hard time breathing made me think. Maybe I had gone too far with this medication. I was not part of those taking opioids for the euphoric feeling. I never took it on such grounds. My intentions were strongly related to escaping the constant, excruciating pain and sometimes to prevent over-eating. Still, I should have realized that not the reasons were important but the consequences. I worried how I could stop it before my family found out about me taking excessive doses and feel truly ashamed of me.

Well, I stopped taking Tramadol but not because I wanted. One night, I took my usual dose of Tramadol (somewhere around 600 mg) and went to bed. My husband saw that I had fallen asleep way too fast and watched over me. The intense sweating made him to think and as he was training to become a doctor, he recognized some of the serious symptoms. My face was white, I was sweating and my pulse was weak. It was no time for searching for solutions and seeking immediate medical assistance was imperious. Arriving at the emergency ward, the doctors performed CPR on me and I was stabilized with increased difficulty. Diagnose: Tramadol overdose combined with anti-anxiety medication and anorexic drugs. Even they were amazed that I had survived. They told me without delay or hesitation that my body had suffered a lot of trauma and that it will take a long period of time before I am up and running, so to say.

Now, what do you say to a loving husband and two adorable children who are dead scared because of your actions? How do you explain that you thought taking Tramadol would make everything just fine? I was incredibly ashamed of the way I handled things and even more afraid that they will end up hating me. After all, who would want a mother that is addicted to pain killers or a wife that just can’t seem to everything right without taking a handful of pills first? But this was not the case. I have a supportive family and they all stood by my in this difficult times. United just like always, I was able to recover from my Tramadol addiction and talked with a medical specialist about what other options I have when it comes to fibromyalgia. New treatments have been discovered and I am certainly going to try them; there is nothing more incredible than knowing you can be cured and that you do not have to be dependent on opioid medicine to do that. I would never go back to the period in which I was hooked and with the help of my family and God of course, I hope I never will.