How to be a Bad Yoga Partner. Top Ten Tips.

Partner Yoga is a niche kind of yoga that is like having a stretching partner. Using the energy of the partner dynamic, you can go deeper in some of the poses, remain steady in some of the balancing poses by using your partner’s weight and get direction and support, while at the same time supporting, guiding and encouraging your own partner. It can be done with two solos who just met or with longtime couples. You will take turns placing each other in restorative poses and then massaging your partner’s hands, feet, neck and face while they simply get to relax and melt. In poses and exercises, partners rely on each other’s support to keep correct body alignment, balance, and concentration. In a deeper sense, this physical support fosters deeper feelings of nurture and acceptance.

Here is a list of the ways you can be a partner that no one will want to practice with again.

Don’t shower or wear deodarant. You want to smell earthy and musky and be dripping sweat on your partner.

Forget to brush your teeth in class. This is really paramount for couples. doesn’t your wife want to get close to your tuna fish onion sandwich breath, especially when she is a few inches away in some of the more cuddly poses.

Rattle your partner. When you are in the balancing poses, keep knocking your partner down and ruin their concentration.

Forget to wear yoga clothes to class. Don’t you love it when you jeans or tight pants rip down the middle and cause a scene. Also the view for your partner must be great now too!

Come to class late. This is really pivotal if you are coming alone and everyone has already been paired up. Even better if everyone is in a more silent, meditative pose and you disrupt everyone so that they can make space and find you a partner.

Check out the hotties. Keep staring and ogling the hot yoga chick in the tight pink pants next to you. Your partner doesn’t need you to be present and concentrate. Even better, if you came with your wife or girlfriend.

Show off your skills. Try showing off your range of motion and flexibility so that everyone knows you are the best in class. Even better if you are partnered with a yoga newbie or someone that has a limiting injury.

Keep your blackberry on. Leave your cell phone on that has an obnoxious ring tone. This works best if you can make sure to take calls during the meditation part and shivasana. Bonus points if you have a phone that flashes lights when you have a text or email waiting for you. Another bonus point if this is during the lights-dimmed relaxation part of class.

Push your partner past their limit and boundaries. Don’t they want to feel something intense in the poses? Don’t let your partner wuss out.

Criticize your partner. Why can’t they try harder to get their foot behind their head or stay longer in a handstand. Again, don’t let them wuss out.