The LAP Dance is for entertainment purposes only. It employs literary devices such sarcasm, satire, stereotypes, exaggeration, complete fabrications and slander (or is it libel?). The opinions and delusions expressed are purely those of the author. Any offense given is unintended. Please read at your own risk.

** In the last LAP Dance, I identified Lee Harvey Oswald as the lone gunman in the assassination of President John Kennedy. Within minutes, FOX’s Rules Analyst Mike Pereira called me to say that after reviewing the Zapruder film, he had conclusive evidence that the assassin fired his shot from the grassy knoll… and so I stand corrected.

** For whatever it’s worth, with QB Brett Favre out of the game, the Vikings scored a season-high 38 points – including 3 TDs for RB Adrian Peterson and 2 TDs for WR Sidney Rice. It didn’t hurt that the Vikings were playing the Bills.

** Something to consider as a fantasy player: Six undrafted RBs are leading their respective NFL teams in rushing yards this year. Arian Foster, Mike Tolbert, Fred Jackson, BenJarvus Green-Ellis, Chris Ivory, and LeGarrette Blount.

** Broncos RB Knowshon Moreno could be on the short list for Breakout Fantasy Player for 2011. He has averaged 142 yards from scrimmage the past 4 games, along with a 5.4 yards per rush average. Nice numbers.

** Jimmy Johnson said yesterday that Auburn QB Cam Newton would be a top-10 pick in the 2011 NFL Draft. Could be. But for some reason, the kid doesn’t impress me as an NFL prospect. He seems to have trouble throwing spirals, and his delivery reminds me of Vince Young’s. I guess we’ll know how it pans out in a few years.

** I’m generally sympathetic to the players in the upcoming CBA negotiations. But the folks they have representing them are flat out goofy. After the good news a couple weeks ago that the NFLPA representatives and the league made some headway in discussing an 18-game schedule, NFLPA executive director, DeMaurice Smith, issued a statement saying that an "internal deadline" had passed to get a new deal done. Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean, both sides will continue to negotiate this winter, and it’s a good bet they’ll reach a new agreement in the next 3-6 months.

** Referee Ed Hochuli yesterday flagged rookie Lions DT Ndamukong Suh for 15 yards for "an unnecessary non-football act" after he sacked QB Jay Cutler. An unnecessary non-football act. Sounds like a phrase the commish should use in disciplining players.

** Turn out the lights, the party’s over… For those of us who grew up as kids watching Monday Night Football in the 1970s, today brings a tinge of sadness with the news that former Cowboys QB Don Meredith has passed. He added some levity to balance out Howard Cosell, and was just plain enjoyable to listen to.

** Three weeks ago, after the Broncos thrashed the Chiefs 49-29, KC head coach Todd Haley refused to shake hands with Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels. After the Chiefs avenged their defeat yesterday 10-6, Haley gave McDaniels a hug after the game. It turns out to have been a good-bye hug.

** After watching last night’s Steelers/Ravens game, it makes you wonder if the officials don’t have it in for the Steelers when it comes to personal fouls. LB James Harrison has been nailed for a handful of questionable personal fouls over the past few weeks. Meanwhile the referees ignored a blow the head which broke Ben Roethlisberger’s nose, and a hit on a defenseless Heath Miller that I thought literally broke his neck. The essence of officiating is to be consistent. Can’t say that for crews handling the Steelers’ games.

** 49ers President, Jed York, keeps insisting that his 4-8 Niners can still make the playoffs. The sad truth is that he’s right. The NFC West is being headed up right now by a pair of 6-6 teams, and the Niners play 3 of its remaining 4 games against division rivals.

** Colts QB Peyton Manning has 4 INTs and 2 pick sixes in each of his last two games. Who woulda thunk it?

** TOP 5 POWER RANKINGS

1. Patriots: They should beat the Jets tonight… pretty handily at that. They are starting to play their bestball at the right time.

2. Falcons: Hey, 10-2 says it all. QB Matt Ryan has engineered a pair of 4th quarter game-winning drives the last two weeks.

3. Saints: The defending Super Bowl Champs have won 5 straight. Gotta give them some love.

4. Jets: Unfortunately the Patriots play in their division. They’ll vault to the top spot if they pull off the upset tonight.

5. Steelers: At least for this week, they deserve a top 5 spot. Their defense is scary good. And Ben did pretty well wearing a Herman Munster boot.

** In case you missed it, the University of Cincinnati mascot was arrested this weekend for throwing snowballs at a football game. It seems a bit over the top on the part of the cops – until you actually watch the video and realize he was likely arrested for simply throwing them like a girl.

** One of my favorite NFL beat writers, Jennifer Floyd Engel of the Star Telegram, has this observation about why Jerry Jones might not be falling over himself to announce the interim head coach Jason Garret for the 2011 season: "[Jones’] hesitancy is, in part, because the NFL takes the ‘Rooney Rule’ very seriously. It is a well-intentioned rule, misapplied in situations like Dallas when an interim candidate has clearly won the job. Why force a promising minority coach to go through the motions with Jerry when another candidate so obviously has the job? Not the best use of anybody’s time. "

** The Giants spent the 15th pick in the draft on DE Jason Pierre-Paul, whose stock sky rocketed up some NFL team draft boards because of a YouTube video showing the athleticism of huge dude who could do a series of backflips. After a slow start to the season, Pierre-Paul has two sacks in each of his past two games – which has some Giants fans starting to do back flips.

** If you celebrate Hanukkah, blessings to you and your family!

Thanks,

Lenny Pappano

DraftSharks.com