Four exchanging information patterns that are most foretelling of downfall to a relationship.
- Author Michael Wooledge
- Published February 12, 2011
- Word count 502
Four communication patterns that are most predictive of death to a relationship. "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. The four horsemen are CRITICISM, DEFENSIVENESS, CONTEMPT, and STONEWALLING.
HORSEMAN #1 - CRITICISM
CRITICISM is an over generalized complaint that is personal and attacks your partner's character. Criticisms are statements involving your partner's personality or character and result in your partner feeling attacked. An example of a criticism is "You are always so inconsiderate and selfish!" Criticism uses phrases like: "You never," "You always," "Why don't you ever?" Criticism naturally leads people to feel that they are being personally attacked and invites in the second horseman, defensiveness because the personal feels that they need to defend their character.
HORSEMAN #2 - DEFENSIVENESS
DEFENSIVENESS involves protecting oneself from a perceived attack and seeing oneself as the victim. When a person gets defensive, they experience great anxiety and a flood of emotions that makes it difficult to actually tune in to the intended message of their partner. Defensiveness can also lead to escalation, which inevitably leads to a loss of control. Instead of listening to what is being said, the person being defensive may deny responsibility, place blame or play the victim. Verbal examples include, "Yes, but," "So," "It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't ." "That may be true, but you ." Even if you have been criticized, reacting with defensiveness prevents you from solving the problem and further impedes communication.
HORSEMAN #3 - CONTEMPT
CONTEMPT is characterized by hostile words and body language that is particularly aimed at psychologically abusing your partner. These hostile words and body language are meant to harm your partner emotionally and attack their sense of self. Contempt is inevitably the result of holding on to resentment and is even more destructive than criticism. The presence of frequent contempt in a relationship is the largest predictor of relationship failure. Contempt includes openly insulting your partner, disrespecting your partner, and tearing down their self-esteem. Examples of contempt include name-calling, sarcasm, ridiculing (especially in front of others), and hurtful teasing. Examples are "You are just a big, fat, slob," "I can't believe you are so stupid!" "There must be something seriously WRONG with you!" Contempt also includes nonverbal communication such as "eye rolling," and "sneering." Contempt hurts a person's sense of self and inevitably creates a severe sense of negative sentiment toward your partner.
HORSEMAN #4 - STONEWALLING
STONEWALLING is withdrawing from the relationship in order to avoid conflict. When people finally tire of the relentless, criticism, defensiveness, and contempt, they may just shut down and refuse to respond. Examples of stonewalling are suddenly getting silent and refusing to respond during the midst of a discussion or removing oneself physically without communicating to your partner. This is not the same as "taking a break" from a discussion in order to de-escalate. Both partners agreeing to "take a break" and revisit the issue at a later agreed upon time is "de-escalation." When stonewalling becomes a predictable pattern, a relationship can be near its end and in need of immediate intervention.
Rate article
Article comments
There are no posted comments.
Related articles
- Transforming Plastic Extrusion Machines into Recycling Powerhouses
- Unraveling the Potential of Plastic Extrusion Machines
- The Rise of Plastic Recycling Machines: A Step Towards Sustainability
- Strawberry Cheesecake Ice Cream: OMG! Unreal!
- The Advantages of Using Professional Home Cleaners in Ilford
- 8 Compelling Reasons to Hire Professional Home Cleaners
- Send Money to Tanzania: Effortless Transfers with SafariRemit
- Stylish Savings: 10 Frugal Ways to Stay Fashionable in 2024
- Fly Cheap With FlightPapa To Any City
- How Collaborating with a Software Development Company Can Propel Your Business Forward
- A Comprehensive Guide to Choosing the Best Hair Transplant Method
- 15 Frugal Tips for a Memorable Wedding Day
- Credit Union vs. Bank
- Explore the Advantages of Renewable Energy: Wind, Solar, Biomass, Hydropower and Geothermal Energy
- Frugal Nutrition: How to Eat Healthy on a Budget
- Fintechzoom Richard Mille
- Who owns the most Bitcoin?
- Fintechzoom IBM Stock: Powerful!
- Building a Professional Website on a Budget: Using Free Tools like WordPress and AI
- Navigating Vietnam's Tourist Immigration: Challenges and Solutions
- Bitcoin FintechZoom
- Cost-Effective Gardening: Tips for Enhancing Your Garden on a Budget
- Steve Wozniak: WOZ
- Keeping Your Garage Door Running Smoothly: A Guide to Drum Replacement with GarageDoorMagnolia
- When Your Garage Door Goes Rogue: Off-Track Repair in Tacoma and Seattle
- Same Day Service? Kiki Garage Door Repairs Your Garage Door Fast in Sammamish, WA
- Cost-Effective Strategies for Business Owners in 2024: Maintaining Efficiency Without Reducing Staff
- Navigating Compliance for Personal and Professional Contributions
- Smart Savings: The Benefits of Buying Out of Season
- Youtube To MP3 Converter -- Free