My daughter came home from her first semester at college to celebrate two

family weddings and Christmas with us. We were thrilled to see her. She

survived her first semester with decent grades and good health. While she was

home, we were able to find out how some of her high school friends were

doing--most of them had left home to attend college as well.

Unfortunately, two of her friends won't be returning to college. One is

waiting on a court date, the other is working at a local department store.

How did this happen? Both friends had done well in high school earning good

grades and participating in service activities. They were part of many clubs

and participated in both ensemble and marching bands. They were polite,

on-time, and appeared to follow through with assignments. Both had attended

their first choice universities.

So what happened? As I look back and try to figure out how two very nice

young people had come to this place, I realized neither one of these friends

had been prepared to leave home and assume their independence. Small but very

important skills had been neglected.

To avoid this outcome with your rising college freshman, teach the following

skills.

1. Teach them to get themselves up and out to school each morning. You won't

be at college to do this for them. If they oversleep in high school a few

times, the learning experience is not as painful as the effects of missing

classes in college.

2. Teach them to manage their time. We all have too much to do and not enough

day. Help them prioritize and discipline themselves to get their work done.

One of these friends had a parttime job but it seems Mom picked up the

slack...and his bedroom and made daily runs to the school with the other

stuff he forgot.

3. Let them fail...in a controlled situation. Failure isn't bad, it is a very

effective teacher. But allow the failure in situations that don't have a

lasting effect. If one of these friends had been allowed to get the "D" in

his AP class, maybe he would have learned that lack of responsibility leads

to consequences before he learned about legal consequences.

4. Allow your student to take responsibility for their own food preparation

and laundry. Learning to balance school, eating, and laundry is a skill (ask

working Moms). Allowing your child to learn this skill before college is as

important to their success as learning to study effectively. This lack of

balance is one of the main causes of college student depression.

Both friends suffered from too much independence. They didn't know how to

make the blank slate of time work for them. If they had learned to these life

skills, both of these young people would be returning for their second

semester, freshman year. Instead they have to adjust their plan. Hopefully

both of these young people will find a way to resume their college education.