11 Ways to Build Better Rapport

First, there are the five basic senses; visual, auditory, kinesthetic, olfactory and gustatory, and people normally use one of the first three as their primary filter of the world they live in. 65% of all people are visual, 25% are auditory, and 10% are kinesthetic. Then, there are eight additional sub-strategies that people use to round out their decision-making processes.

Strategy #1: Visual Filter

So, what does this mean for the people that are visual? When making decisions, you’ll hear expressions, like: "I want to see the big picture", "I imagine it would look like…", and "We see eye to eye". You’ll also find these people speaking at a fast pace and animated.

Strategy #2: Auditory Filter

Let’s move on to people that primarily filter through auditory. You’ll hear these people say things like: "That’s music to my ears", "That rings like a cracked bell", and "Hold your tongue". Auditory people tend to speak at a very even pace.

Strategy #3: Kinesthetic Filter

Lastly, are kinesthetic people. Common expressions are: "I can’t grasp it", "I have a big weight on my shoulders", and "I want to get in touch with you". You’ll find these people speaking slowly and deliberately.

From the descriptions, what is your primary filter of the world? Now, imagine yourself interacting with one of the other primary filter-type people. For instance, if you’re a visual-type person and you’re talking with a kinesthetic-type person, can you see the potential for problems, with one speaking fast and in pictures with the other speaking slowly and with feelings?

Just a side note: Even though we all have a primary filter we use, it doesn’t mean we don’t use the other four. So, you hear people use expressions from each sense, but you notice they do use one as the dominant one.

Strategy #4: Proactive/Reactive

The proactive person initiates action upon receiving information. The reactive person waits for other to initiate action and for things to happen. One is a doer, the other a thinker.

Strategy #5: In time / Through time

"Through Time" people tend to see past, present and future in front of them and from left to right. Time exists in chunks and has specific points. They have a "Time is money" mentality, believe that keeping appointments is important, and they have a difficult time being ‘in the moment’. "In Time" people have the past behind them, they live in the present, and future is in front of them. Time is flexible, so appointments are flexible. They easily live in the moment.

Strategy #6: Independent / Team player

Did you make the move to self-employment or can you work for someone else? Do you know people who are great to work with but never step up to leadership? Depending on the situation, some people can go both ways depending on their comfort/skill level with the project or if a better or capable leader is already in place.

Strategy #7: Once / Several Times

Are you able to see something once or do you have to see it several times to believe it’s true? Will one testimonial be taken as gospel or do you require several feedbacks before you make up your mind? Do you need to repeatedly study something before you buy it or can you look at something once and make a decision? Depending on the level of rapport, this can change.

Strategy #8: General / Specific

"General" type people will want to deal with large chunks of information. They don’t want to get caught up in the details. "Specific" types want the detail and piece it together to make the big picture.

Strategy #9: Matching / Mismatched

People that are "Match" type will talk about how things are similar. People who are "Mismatched" type will talk about the differences. Does what you’re discussing need to seem similar to what they already have or know about, or do you need to talk about how it’s different?

Strategy #10: Internal / External

How someone feels about something as opposed to going by what others say about something is internal versus external. The frame of it is a reference filter. What tells you that you’ve done a good job? Do you feel good because someone told you did a good job, or because you knew you did? Is it an external sign that told you or an internal sign?

Strategy #11: Toward / Away from

Toward people stay focused on the goal and are motivated by achievement. The Away people focus on problems to be avoided, rather than goals to be obtained. If you try to sell someone an idea in a Towards reasoning and they are Moving Away, they’ll never buy into the idea.

When communicating with all of the strategies that are listed here, it’s important to listen carefully for the words they predominantly use and then use the same words when you communicate back with them. By doing so, you will find that you build better rapport and understanding with the people you interact with. Not only that, but you learn to see the world through the other person’s perceptual filters and can learn to put yourself in their "shoes". Whether you are communicating with loved ones, friends, or in professional relationships, like co-workers, employees, managers, or in selling situations, getting an understanding of these strategies is imperative to having the most impact in any relationship.