The Cost of Holding On:

Tightly clench your hand. After a few seconds, you'll notice how tiring it is to do this.

Holding on takes energy. It doesn't really matter what we're holding on to, a relationship, job, or material possession─ it all takes energy.

And as the clenched hand exercise illustrates so well, you can't reach out or grasp anything new when your hands are clenched to hold on!

Why We Don't Let Go:

There are many, many reasons why we don't let go. Sometimes it means facing our grief or other challenging emotions. For example, we might not want to let go of a relationship because then we'd have to face our fear of being lonely. Or we might not want to let go of a job because we'd feel worried about money.

It's really helpful to identify these emotions. Here's a sentence completion exercise that will help you identify what emotion is holding you back. Finish this sentence with the first thing that comes to mind.

"If I let go of (fill in your situation) I'd have to face my _________________.

Once you've identified the emotion that's holding things up, practice letting that emotion go all by itself. Just for now. Using the above illustration, the person who's worried about facing their loneliness could practice saying, "I let go of my worry about feeling lonely. For now."

I use the phrase 'for now' because we can only work with ourselves in the present tense.

It helps to remind yourself that all things change. All things. Winter isn't a failure because spring is here. Change is the natural rhythm of things. In my experience, more damage is done by holding on to things too long than is done by letting go of something too early.

A Behaviour Modification Technique:

Here is a technique you will find helpful. Write a phrase or few sentences about something you'd like to let go of. Eg: "This situation at work" or "My feelings about D." Now, scrunch up that paper and burn it or throw it away or rip it into pieces. There's something powerful about putting things into a physical form like this that makes it feel more real.

Letting Go in Stages:

Another thing that will help you let go is to do it in stages. Start with a little, then work up to something larger. Like any muscle, letting go is a skill that gets easier with practice. I find this particularly helpful with thoughts and emotions that I need to release. I'll just ask myself to let go for an hour. Or an afternoon. Or a day..... Baby steps. Do you know if you change the direction of an airplane by just one degree, it will arrive in a whole different country? Small works.

Reframe the Thought:

Lastly, reframe the idea of letting go and think of it instead as moving things along. Moving things along is being in the natural flow of life and it involves releasing so the new can come in. We release the old air in our lungs so the new air can come in. We release what’s in our intestinal track so we can bring more food into our bodies. Focus on what’s coming to you rather than on what you’re releasing and you’ll find it much easier to do.