Attention women business owners: If the thought of marketing and selling in your small business almost drives you to chocolate – keep reading. I’ve cracked the code on why we hate “asking for the sale” and how to make simple shifts so you have more fun, feel more confident and make a lot more money.

Most women I encounter are not comfortable with the idea of saying the things marketing and selling gurus (mostly men) tell us. We’re wired differently and most men don’t “get” the fact we can’t act like them. Nor would we want to.

As a marketing trainer for a large (and expensive) seminar program for entrepreneurs, I coached over 1,200 people in marketing during a five year span. Immediately I started noticing Mars-Venus differences between men, women and their attitude toward getting the word out.

Most men have an attitude of, “Great, how do I get started.” In contrast, most women have an attitude of, “Fine, is there any way I can avoid this?” It’s almost as if women have an “internal glass ceiling” that holds them back from the inside.

To understand the roots of these differences and how it may impact your business it helps to go back to the old social conditioning we received as girls growing up. Most women (even today) grow up with a steady diet of:

• Don’t toot your own horn

• Asking for what you want is unladylike

• Be a nice girl

• Let everyone else go first

• And for goodness sake, “Don’t call the boy!”

These messages help us become wonderful wives and mothers. However, we forget the impact of this training. Then the male marketing and selling gurus tell us:

• You gotta toot your own horn

• You gotta ask, ask, ask for the business

• You can’t take “no” for an answer – overcome objections

• You gotta niche yourself as first in your market

• You gotta get on the phone and call, call, call

If you’re like most women you’ve probably wondered why you have such a difficult time picking up the phone and calling someone back again or asking for the sale. You’re afraid you’ll seem pushy, anxious, annoying or manipulative. Somehow it doesn’t seem “nice.” As women we often wait for customers to call like we waited for the cute boy in high school History class to call us for a date.

So, the question remains, “Yeah, but what should I do about it?”

Most women stuck in this quandary acknowledge it’s not about learning more marketing tips and how-tos. All the tips in the world won’t make a difference if the moment you’re with a prospective customer the words fly out of your head or you can’t bring yourself to say them. The real solutions have to do with realizing your business growth cannot happen any faster than your personal growth.

In my myth-shattering book, “Testosterone-Free Marketing” I explore this challenge that seems unique to women and what to do about it. Action steps to help readers go beyond what was comfortable in the past are provided at the end of every chapter.

I never would suggest women become like a pushy car salesman – on the other hand you must know in the context of business asking for the sale in a pleasant way is expected and professional business behavior. Remember, you’re not waiting for a date to the prom anymore. That “good girl behavior” is appropriate in your personal life but it’s different from what’s appropriate and expected for a successful business owner.

To the ancient Chinese “yin” stood for feminine energy and “yang” meant masculine energy. As women we possess both yin and yang qualities but the feminine generally dominates. Success in getting the word out for both men and women is about creating balance between the two. Our yin power means we are excellent when it comes to creating relationships and reading people and situations. These important skills give us an edge over men. However, we will be more successful when we use both yin and yang behaviors and remember to ask for what we want.

The statistics about women creating businesses are impressive. Women are starting businesses at double the rate of men. Women over 45 are starting businesses at triple the rate of men and women of color are starting businesses at four times the rate of men. We are becoming a force to be reckoned with. All this entrepreneurial drive and energy means it’s important to we take our success seriously enough to get beyond “the internal glass ceiling” that has held us back until now.