Blood stains happen a lot if you are a vampire. They are a daily part of most vampires’ daily house cleaning routines. For regular people, blood stains are less frequent, more of a one-off cleaning duty, but still a pain to get rid of. Twilight author Stephanie Meyer is waiting for an advance on her next book series before she releases any information about one-off cleaning techniques for blood-soiled clothes and furniture so I have compiled this information for you here. It may not be romantic, but it certainly is handy.

"If you are human, hot blood is better than cold, but if it is removing blood you seek, then cold is definitely better than hot." I’m not sure if the Count and I are both talking about the problem of bloodied fabrics in daily house cleaning, but he’s right anyway. Use cold water and a dry towel to remove blood, as hot water will spread the stain. Apply the water a little at a time to the affected area and dab away the blood/water mixture with the towel. Resist the urge to scrub, as this will drive the stain deeper into the fabric and anger bloodthirsty demons anxious to mess up your house cleaning routine.

If you have a bloody bloody mess, cold water may not be enough. It is important to remember that the longer you leave a blood stain to set, the harder it will be to remove. A quick response to blood stains improves your chances of successfully removing them. You can use white vinegar to break down the chemical compounds which bond blood particles to fabric. Whether you have blood on clothes, carpets, bath linens or furniture, use the towel dabbing method described above, and make sure you give the vinegar some time to soak into the fabric and break down the stain before trying to dab it out.

If your blood-related house cleaning problems persist, you have only two real options. First, you could buy one of those naff magic stain removal markers which, to my knowledge, do not work at all. Second, you could hang some garlic around the house. Friends will think you’re very continental and it will ward off any vampires, in the unlikely event that vampires are real, and that they are responsible for the blood on your carpets. I suppose the last option would be to call a professional steam carpet cleaning London company to deal with the blood, as they likely know better than you or vampires.