People say I want a person who makes a certain amount of money, has a certain job, looks a certain way, good credit, nice car, and educated. Someone who can help me accomplish my goals in life. Many times people say they know what they are looking for in a relationship, a spouse. And there is nothing wrong with wanting certain characteristics in a mate. There is nothing wrong with wanting someone who can help you accomplish your goals in life. Most of these however, are outward things. And if that is who you are, then you need to recognize that is who you are. And I encourage you to let the person who is in the relationship with you know that is who you are as well. They should know your expectations from the beginning. Are you bringing the qualities to the relationship that you want the other person to possess?

You meet a person, and they have the job, money, education, credit and the looks you want. Wells let’s say they have most of the qualities you are looking for; and you get married. Then life happens, and maybe someone gains weight, loses hair, job/career changes, credit gets damaged, had to down size the car. Things have changed; the stuff (material things) is changing. Is this relationship built on sand or on rocks? What is the foundation of the relationship?

Many times in our relationship with God we seek things. We seek the money, career, nice car and nice house. But Jesus tells us in Matt 6:33 to seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all of the things will be added unto us. God told Solomon in 1Kings 3:11 that because he did not ask for riches for himself, but asked for an understanding heart to discern judgment; I’m going to give you that, but I’m also going to give you what you have not asked for, riches and honor and there shall not be any like you among the kings all of your days. God has promised us if we diligently seek Him, who he is, his ways, that He will reward us. He wants us to want to know him intimately and God is not going to be used. My suggestion and advice is that you seek His face and you will get what is in his hand.

Would you want someone to choose a relationship with you just because of the material things you bring to the table? The things that can change, the stuff they can have. If you can not maintain the stuff, would you still be in the relationship? If you gained weight, lost your hair and did not make as much money, would you want your relationship to end? Most people would want and hope they had something deeper; you would want someone who cared for you deeper than just the stuff. You would feel used if they left when the stuff was gone, when you needed them. Just like you want someone in it for you, God wants us in it for Him!

It is good sometimes to have someone who has strengths in the areas where you are weak. Someone you can have a conversation with, a real conversation? If laughter is important to you, can you laugh together, have fun together? Do they want the same things you want out of life? For example you may want a large, expensive, high end house and car. They may want an average priced home in a nice neighborhood. You may call good money $250,000.00 per year; they may call good money $50,000.00 a year. You may value money and they may value family. Learn the deeper things about the person you are in relationship with, have intimate, meaningful conversations. Find out if they know God or just go to church. When you come to the relationship table bring the real you, ask the real questions and get real answers. If you seek the real relationship, the deeper things and not just the stuff, I believe the reward will be great.