There are some days when a regular, plain-jane cheese pizza is just satisfying enough to shut me up.

However, that wasn't today.

Today was the day where I strapped on my welding mask, flung open both fridge and freezer doors, and set to task on creating a pie that would satisfy multiple (faux) meat and veggie cravings while emptying my kitchen of most of its contents.

And thus, my chicken+spinach+feta / bacon+cheddar+meatball monster was born.

Details:

SIDE 1: chicken+spinach+feta

Open up a mid-to-high grade frozen pizza and place it on a work surface. Start heating olive oil on medium heat in a pan for a few minutes, then layer the spinach and feta on one side of the pie. When the oil is hot, place one Morningstar Farms Chik Patty in the pan and lightly brown on both sides. When that's done, take the patty off the heat and slice it into 1/2" squares. Layer evenly over spinach and feta.

SIDE 2: bacon+cheddar+meatball

FYI: You can do this part with the same pan, or if you can multi-task and want to save time, do it concurrently while frying up the Chik Patty.

Heat enough olive oil to cover the bottom of a large pan on medium low. Layer shredded mild or sharp cheddar over the remaining half of the pizza. Using faux bacon (I prefer Gimme Lean) and faux meatballs (Veggie Patch is killer), place both in the heated olive oil. Both will need to be flipped. You'll know the bacon is ready to be turned when it starts to become a little rigid. Don't let it go too long or else the end product will come out the consistency of paint chips. The meatballs are lower maintenance -- they should start to soften from their frozen state after 4-5 minutes, at which point you'll turn them over. Let each cook another few minutes, and then transfer to a work surface.

The bacon should still be workable enough to tear/pull apart, and when you've done so, scatter the pieces on top of the cheddar. Half the meatballs, then layer in next to the bacon.

At this point, you can add some fresh herbs to either side; chopped basil on the bacon+cheddar+meatball, and some fresh oregano or fennel on the chicken+spinach+feta.

Bake according to the pizza box directions; probably just shy of 10 minutes. It doesn't hurt to check it around 7 minutes -- sometimes that extra cheese will brown up quicker than you anticipate. You'll know it's done when the cheese and crust are lightly browned.

Take the pizza out and let it cool for a couple minutes. If it's a thin crust, I like cutting it into squares. But a pie-cut will work just fine. For this particular pie, I actually cut both sides both ways. But I like over complicating things for no good reason.

Enjoy!

Benjy Portnoy