Many moons ago, I was ushered into a new form of spirituality through extreme heartbreak. The man I loved discarded me and walked away, no longer in love. And I was devastated. The grief overwhelmed me and in the many months after my own personal “Tower” event, I moved through the many different stages of grief. This process led me to research, which gave way to a new line of thought and eventually ended in a complete transformation of my love life - my dreams came true.

The Heartbreak

When I say that sparks flew when we first met at a friend’s grand opening for her new restaurant, there is no exaggeration. We were both all smiles and completely into each other. I was captivated by his eyes, his smile, and his confident masculinity.

We were both divorcees with older children. At this point, I never really believed I would feel that spark again but suddenly here it was. Undeniable. Reciprocal. Unbelievable. And within weeks, we were inseparable.

We became a unit, his family and mine. After a year, he asked if he could act as a father figure to my children and I was overjoyed. He seemed so invested in my life and willing to care for me, and his love was everything I’d ever hoped for. I was elated and at the same time, I became fearful that it would end. After a while, that fear grew because I nurtured it. At this time, I had no idea that I was manifesting his departure.

The more I let fear, self-doubt, and insecurity eat at me, the colder and more distant he became. His change was as sudden as my new feelings of abysmal self-worth. Without warning, this man who seemed completely in love with me became emotionally cruel. I was unintentionally manifesting a monster, and I had no idea I was doing it.

I was the one who ended it. During the last three months of our relationship, he had treated me horribly. He would emotionally wound me and get angry if I said anything about it. He was cruel, heartless, and the complete opposite of the man I’d fallen in love with. He would ignore me, punish me by withholding love and affection, and talk about me behind my back.

When I ended it, he seemed happy - and I was destroyed.

The Desperation

For the first three months, I could barely get out of bed. I cried nonstop. I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t eat, except for the bottles of wine I consumed. I lost 45 pounds in the first two months. Any communication with him was cold and all I wanted was to know and feel that he cared a tiny bit about what I was going through. He didn’t at all. It was as if he hated me, and I’d done nothing wrong. The only thing I’d ever done was love him. And I meant nothing to him. My heart was ripped to shreds.

I wanted his love and affection so badly, that I began pouring my money into self-help books and online manuals that promised to return your ex-lover to you immediately. I spent a lot of money on junk. These ripoff guides only added to my mental confusion.

I searched forums and joined self-help groups. I did research into what was wrong with me because obviously - it was all my fault. I was unlovable.

It felt as if my grief would never end. I was a literal wreck.

Tarot

I don’t remember how I came across tarot readings though it was likely a direct result of search algorithms. I ended up buying a love reading from an online tarot reader. To be honest, it seemed quite accurate. The reader told me that he was repulsed by me and wanted nothing to do with me. I bought another and another, hoping it would somehow change. I became addicted to the level of accuracy I was hearing, little details that rang with truth. And then, I bought my first deck.

Learning tarot was a slow process and the very first thing I learned was how to call in and connect to spirit. While learning how to read for myself, I practiced by asking about my beloved and how he felt about me. And I continually received the same negative feedback. He practically hated me.

Though I was receiving all the messages I dreaded, learning Tarot and using it helped me gradually heal. It gave me a sense of control over the situation and a sense of peace. My downward mental spiral stopped. As I prayed to Spirit, I asked for guidance, support, peace, and wisdom. Slowly but surely, my requests were granted. As if Spirit led me by the hand, I was introduced to the principles of manifestation.

Manifestation

I’d read The Secret by Rhonda Byrne many years prior but never really gave it much credence. At the time, it seemed like your standard miracle-elixir garbage. This time around, I studied Neville Goddard’s teachings and as I went through the main principals, something clicked. He taught us that we are essentially mirrors. We receive exactly what we project out into the world.

I’d manifested the breakup with my beloved. His cruel treatment of me, his abrupt change, his indifference, his lack of concern and love - these were all things I dwelled on, obsessed over, and worried about toward the end of our relationship. The more I feared these things, the more I thought about them, the more energy I poured into these beliefs - the more I shaped my own reality.

Our dominant thoughts are what shape the reality around us.

And once I realized this, I knew I could create the reality I wanted. I could have his love back.

Principals of Manifestation

These are the principles that helped me the most and I feel that it’s necessary to explain them.

EIYPO

This strange term stands for “Everyone Is You Pushed Out”. This is the principle that we are all mirrors and people treat us exactly the way we assume they will. If you think people dislike you, they will. If you think everyone you meet thinks you’re a God, they will. Your dominant thoughts and assumptions dictate how people treat you. You are a giant, glistening mirror, and knowing this is a game-changer.

Elevate Your Self-concept

This can be difficult if you’re constantly having negative thoughts about yourself. But this is the tip that made it easy: Put a smile on and allow yourself to be as egotistical as you desire (in your mind). You are a Goddess and should be treated as such. You are beautiful, wealthy, and powerful, and everyone should bow to you, thanking you profusely for the honor of being in your presence. Go ahead and give yourself an Elizabeth Taylor complex. Be delusional and be grandiose about it.

The Past and Present Are of No Concern

It doesn’t not matter what has transpired in the past nor do the events in the current reality mean anything at all. And what I mean by this is that if you feel as if the situation is insurmountable, it’s not. None of it matters anymore. And so you shouldn’t concern yourself with it, you shouldn’t dwell on it, and you shouldn’t care at all about it. The only thing you should be caring about is this reality you want. No matter how bad you think things truly are, or how impossible the situation looks, it’s in the past and has absolutely no bearing on the future, not if you’re controlling the outcome through manifestations. And if things happen in the present that throw you off or make you doubt, ignore them! It doesn’t matter because these occurrences are not a part of your desire. You will be tested. Don’t be fooled.

This Is YOUR Reality

Every one of us has our own reality and we are the Gods and Goddesses of our reality. We can create any single reality we want. Whatever our dominant thoughts are MUST happen by law. What we desire, what we want - they are already ours. All we have to do is affirm them - by this I mean know that we already have them. As far as other people go in your reality - they have absolutely NO FREE WILL. Everyone behaves as you dictate if you’re strong enough. They treat you exactly as how you expect and affirm. All of your commands must be obeyed by law. It might sound strange to hear that no one has free will, but the law of multiple realities explains this concept further.

Multiple Realities

Every single possible variation of your reality exists simultaneously. When you manifest the reality you want, you are shifting into that reality which already exists. So when I say that a person has no free will - you aren’t changing or manipulating anything about that person in a physical sense. Instead, you are shifting into that other reality where this person already behaves exactly as you desire. The version of the person you desire already exists, and you are simply shifting into this reality. It is also important to note that you are not changing their reality either. As stated above, we all have our own realities that are distinct and separate. In their reality, they might be terraforming Mars and making interplanetary agreements with an alien race of lizards. Who knows?

Patience and persistence

Manifesting the reality you desire takes time, patience, and dedication. It won’t happen with a one-thought attempt. And it is difficult to get into the habit. But once you start, you will begin to see improvements. Practice with small manifestations, things you could adjust in a day. As you continue, your power will increase. And do not give up. Bigger reality shifts will take time.

Putting it into practice

The reality I wanted was to have my love back and I was determined to make it happen. And so I began a plan of attack.

First, I adhered to a strict mental diet. I would carve out a few minutes several times a day to sit quietly and meditate on fantasies of my beloved and how much he loved and adored me. I imagined his smile as he looked at me lovingly and I convinced myself of how much he regretted hurting me. I thrilled myself with thoughts of him begging for me back, on his knees asking for my forgiveness, sincere tears in his eyes, and honest words from his mouth. I imagined hearing him say that he would fight for me for the rest of his life and if I gave him the chance, he would spend eternity making everything up to me.

The fantasies were much more elaborate than this but I’m sure you get the picture.

Naturally, as a human, dark thoughts of the pain he caused and the trauma would invade my mental space. When this happened, I would work hard to become aware and then push those thoughts out as fast as they came in, replacing them with thoughts of perfect love, adoration, and respect. It was not easy. But as time went on, it became easier. Eventually, the good thoughts became my dominant thoughts: He was completely in love with me, obsessed with me, and desperate to marry me.

It’s also important to note that these weren’t thoughts of what was going to happen, but what was already happening. I convinced myself that he loved me then, at that time, and never stopped.

Several times a day, I would also write down in a journal the same types of thoughts. I would regularly affirm that I am the Goddess of my own reality and that he had no choice but to love me. And I would write snippets of fantasy down. One desire that I would constantly note is that he would propose to me on my 40th birthday, which was only months away at the time.

Stating affirmations and desires out loud is considered to be extra potent. Not only would I constantly affirm my reality during meditations and writing, but once a day I would also recite the main points out loud. Before doing so, I would light candles, smudge, and call in Spirit.

I paid attention to vibrational frequency. The wonderful reality you create in your mind will deliver extreme emotions of joy and happiness, and these emotions change our vibrational frequency. Positive emotions emit a much higher frequency which aids in reality manifestations. To attain the reality you want, your frequency should match the vibrational frequency of the version of you in the reality you desire. Things that can help increase your vibrational frequency are audio tones (search for manifestation frequency on YouTube) and crystals. While meditating on my manifestations, I listened to manifestation music on YouTube.

Finally, I committed to SAtS which stands for “State Akin to Sleep”. This is another Neville Goddard theory which explains that if you affirm your reality as you are falling asleep, you enter that state that is between waking and sleep. In this state, your brain isn’t able to fight against your thoughts with doubt and insecurity as it tends to do while you’re awake. As you fall asleep, your brain becomes more convinced that the reality you are thinking about is your actual reality, and this makes for stronger manifestations. Another theory is that when we perform SAtS, realities shift when we sleep. And when we wake, we’re literally in a brand new reality.

Watching the cards change

They say to let go and ignore what is happening in the 3D (the immediate environment around you), but I think it is perfectly fine to monitor it. This is, after all, your reality. You can do what you want.

When I first dedicated myself to manifesting the love I wanted, the tarot cards were still telling me that he wanted nothing to do with me. That changed after the first week.

His feelings toward me lightened. I persisted, and the cards changed again, and again, and again. Love was growing within his heart. Not only that, but I could see grief and despair. Suddenly, I saw the “Two of Cups”, “The Lovers”, the “Ace of Cups”, and “Judgement” in every single spread of his feelings toward me. And every time.

Expecting

I asked about his most likely actions toward me every few days. It almost always said nothing. He was not going to do anything but miss me and feel regret. But eventually, this shifted too. It got to the point where I knew it was coming soon. He was going to reach out.

The day my phone rang, I was expecting it. When I saw his name appear on the screen, I smiled. Here it is, I thought. It’s happening.

Happening

He asked if we could meet because he felt that he needed closure. I knew this was not the case. I knew he was going to be begging for me to be back in his life. So I sighed and agreed to meet him.

We met for a coffee at a bougie little place that offered comfortable private nooks with loveseats and we sat next to each other. Once we were comfortable, I looked at him expectantly, sipping my tea and waiting for him to begin his speech. And instead, the tears came. I comforted him.

Everything that I had been manifesting poured from his mouth. I gently rubbed his back and was kind to him. I did not bring up how much pain he had caused me, but I stood my ground and set my boundaries. If he wanted me to give him another chance, there would be changes and I had some very high demands. And he conceded. I am the fucking Goddess.

Birthday

He proposed on my 40th birthday, under the stars, and surrounded by our friends and family. It was exactly as I envisioned it.

Today

We have been happily married for 10 years and our love has only deepened since then. I still experience periods of doubt because I am human, and so I am continually manifesting the blissful and peaceful existence I desire. I also remember to love myself. It takes continuous work, but it gets easier with practice.

If you are starting on your manifestation journey, bookmark this article. You may need to remind yourself often about the principles, and for extra encouragement. It can be all too easy to give up. But do not. Persist, persist, persist.