In my last article I talked about "the Pickup Artist loophole" and briefly introduce you to the FA, Friendly Assertiveness.

Now I’m going to elaborate on it so you can get almost anybody to do whatever you ask in a friendly way, by being friendly assertive I like to call it, instead of dominantly aggressive.

Example:

If a stranger were to ask you…

A.) in a dominantly aggressive manner "Give me that water!"

or

B.) "Could you give me that water please?" in a friendly yet assertive manner

(Or heck even "Could you please go across the room to get me a water?")

…which one are you more likely to comply to if you had to choose?

Probably Choice B because you didn’t feel aggressively threatened over losing dominance as in Choice A; besides it’s hard to be rude to somebody who is friendly or else you would be perceived as an @$$hole and people around you would reciprocate by being rude as well and avoid you, while in choice A you would have reacted with defiance and that would have been ok by them being dominantly aggressive in trying to push you.

There is never anything wrong with being friendly. In this case with them being friendly, they eventually got what they want, which is the water.

Here’s another example from my life:

I was once working behind the bar, and there were 2 bartenders I had to deal with.

One of them had a way of communicating that was forthright aggressive,

"Bring me the bottle over there!"

I didn’t care if he had been bartending all over Europe for 10 years and he was the best, I was always like,"Who the hell do you think you are?"

The second bartender was friendly assertive, being dominant under the radar I like to describe it,

"Hey how about you bring me the bottle?"

The second bartender wanted me to do something but at the same time still made me feel in control, so I was more likely to comply with the request. The second bartender could even ask me to take out the garbage all the way down to the basement dumpster and then bring back a case of lemon juice, and I still complied to him more than the other bartender, even though it required more work.

Weird, isn’t it?

You can call these aggressive behaviors, but natural human behaviors do not like to be told what to do, especially feel taken advantage of.

What I like to say is, control the outcome you want by making them think and feel they are in control.

A lot of great natural leaders have this quality of calm friendly assertiveness that is how they get people to follow them, not the arrogant aggressiveness need to feel dominant like a dictator…as I said before nobody like to be told what to do and taken advantage of.

And combine that with being friendly assertive and giving value to what they lack.

When you convey friendly assertiveness combined with giving value to others to what they lack, making them feel their worth, people will magnetically come into your life, and you don’t have to do anything.