What do you think is the most effective way to get women to like you? If you have been influenced by some of the popular books on dating women and how to win them over, you may say that the cardinal rules are to pay them lavish compliments, never argue with them, never criticize, and never, never frown.

They are all fairly good rules when it comes to dating women, but not one of them hits at the basic idea that will make women like you.

The experiment that will show you whether most people like you, this secret was discovered several years ago by Professor Laird at Colgate University. He gave the 130 students in his psychology class half a minute to write down the initials of those they disliked. Some of them could think of the initials of only one or two men or women. Others thought of as many as fourteen they disliked, and were still busily writing away when the signal rang for the end of the half minute.

Here, however, is the important point: Those who disliked only one or two acquaintances were almost universally liked. The ones who thought immediately of fourteen persons they hated were almost universally disliked themselves.

The most important rule for winning popularity with women.

So, if you want to be liked, rule number one is: Learn to like all kinds of people. When dating women you can do this by learning to look for and respond to their good points.

You can learn to like difficult people. You can develop a sincere liking for other people. Remember that each is an individual with various problems, probably going through the same things you are going through.

But what about the difficult people, the ones who yell at their secretaries, reprimand everyone who displeases them, and are continually grouchy? How can one like them?

Well, when somebody meets someone like that, it's perfectly natural not to like what they do. But you must remember that they may not like their own actions either. They weren't born that way. They are probably sorry afterwards that they behaved in that manner. If a woman came along who understood those things about that person, they might get along with her very well.

Nine chances out of ten, you are more likeable than you think. Most of us set impossible goals for ourselves.

How we would love to be loved by everyone!

Wanting to be liked by everyone with whom one deals sounds like a very commendable ambition. Why won't it work?

The main reason is that if you honestly want to be liked by everyone, you'll have to be all things to all people. If you want to be liked by everyone, you can be only a pale shadow of your true self, a sort of composite mouse. Whenever anyone criticizes you, you'll have to take her suggestions submissively, and try to please her, regardless of the actual value of her criticisms. You'll never be able to disagree with anyone, or express a single opinion of your own. You'll always have to wait to hear what the other person has to say, so you can "Yes" to her. What a nonentity you would be under such conditions! A smiling, smirking hypocrite who has sacrificed his own convictions in the hope of achieving popularity with women.

Sometimes it may be all right to disagree. It's perfectly true that if you argue about everything, you will irritate 98% of women. The important thing when dating women is to distinguish between those things worth battling about and the subjects that just aren't worth an argument.