The Art Of Flirting

Social IssuesDating

  • Author Simon Clay
  • Published January 19, 2011
  • Word count 993

Everyone, regardless of age, are attracted by good looking individuals, it’s part of day-to-day life. Hence the reason why celebs are so widely admired and followed. Scientific research shows that women with large eyes and small features are more likely to be considered attractive. For men, it’s the more stereotypical tall, hansom figure with strong features and a square chin. But people naturally disagree in all kinds of ways about what’s actually considered attractive. In today’s world, being slim is the "in thing", but in history, the larger person was thought to be healthier and therefore better looking – strange huh!

Body Language

If you’re not stereotypically gorgeous, don’t worry, it’s not the end of the world. People don’t always go for the best looking folks. Beyond the initial attraction, personality is more important – yes, it’s true! Some of us act like a magnet if you will, whatever their looks. They’ve got what’s called charisma – a gift, the mixture of charm and personality.

Are you charismatic? Quite the charmer? Have a friend video you talking to a group and you’ll see what your body language says about your behaviour, seriously! Body language is all about the look on your face, the way you speak, and the signals you send by how you stand and move – essentially a personal presentation. Take eye contact for example, if you don’t look at someone when you are introduced for the very first time, it looks as if you are shy, aloof, or maybe you have something to hide.This doesn’t give you an excuse to stare, this will come across as threatening behavior, bordering hostile. Most encounters are a fine mixture of looking at the person and then looking away – most notably when chatting to a close friend, it’s completely natural.

Are they interested?

So, how do you know when someone likes you? Well there’s many telltale signs. According to body language experts, if someone genuinely likes you, you will notice an increase in eye contact, they will hold your gaze for a second or two longer than usual. Then they will keep glancing back to check your expression to see how you are reacting to them. Another sign that someone likes you is if they stand a bit closer to you than is normal, in some cases, complete invasion of personal space is very much apparent.

When standing, the normal distance between people is approximately 45cm and 1.2m. Any closer could be a sign of interest. Try it for yourself, if the person moves away, it may mean they are not as interested in you as you are in them.

Another telltale sign of interest is if this person faces you with an ‘open’ body. That is, they don’t have their arms folded and they don’t fiddle with something while they’re talking to you. Actions such as folded arms means they feel the need to defend themselves against you, unless they’re just in deep thought. Additionally, if you’re sitting down, they’ll cross their legs away from you. Putting a hand up to their face is another way of temporarily cutting you off. However, if they have their eyes wide open and their eyebrows raised, it could be a sign they like you.

When you are talking to someone who likes you, they tend to smile more than usual, but check it’s a genuine smile where the eyes crinkle up, and not a false one where only the mouth muscles move. The person may also agree with you a lot if they are attracted to you. The agreement may turn out not to be genuine when you get to know them better – they’re doing it to try to get on with you.

If you want someone to know you like them, don’t be shy! Be sure to make eye contact, if you don’t they’ll most likely think you are not interested. Stand an inch or two closer to them than you normally would. Get to know them, find out what they’re interested in and chat about it further. Go for a snack together, send some texts and even offer to do a favour or two. Simply monitor how they respond to your advances.

Are you flirting with me?

There are a ton of signals people use when they are flirting, Hands on their waist or hips is common in both sexes as is fiddling with items such as pens, drinks or anything to hand. Males are said to be more likely to play with circular objects when they are flirting, females with cylindrical objects like glasses. Here are some other signs to look out for:

Males:

  • Smooth or adjust their hair.

  • Rub or pull on an earlobe.

  • Fiddle with clothing, ie: zip, tie, buttons, collars or sleeves.

  • Stick their fingers inside a belt.

Females:

  • Fiddle with a necklace, bracelet or earrings.

  • Play with their hair, toss it over their shoulder.

  • Expose a shoulder by letting a garment hang down.

  • Swing their hips, especially when walking past an interest or dancing.

Beating the shyness

Being shy is completely natural, we have all battled it at some stage. If you haven’t, you are either extremely confident or lying to yourself. Don’t let it rule your life. Learning to look at people is the key to overcoming shyness . Even if you have to look away again, do try to make eye contact with people. Practice in the mirror if you have to. Look yourself in the eye.

Don’t talk about yourself too much. Ask them questions and make sure you listen to the answers, it may come in handy for future conversations. Don’t assume everyone is looking at you. They’re not! Remember, shyness is very attractive to a lot of people, don’t let it stress you out.

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