What are the best tips on setting goals when things are not going the way you planned? I’ll share three of the best actions you can take to get ‘back up’ and move forward again when you’ve ‘fallen down’.

I thought of the Life Alert Panic Button commercials when I recently read a post in an online fitness community forum from "FitnessNut" (that’s her online name).

You know the commercial, don’t you? It’s where an injured person is lying on the floor and crying out for help because they can’t get up.

"FitnessNut" has over 3,500 written posts. She’s ‘talking’ online about fitness, to a lot of people, A LOT.

Here was her plea:

"Please help. I'm so frustrated, I've gained weight, I'm not eating right and I've not worked out in weeks. Anyone out there have some advice for me?"

I first felt empathy for her; we all know how frustrating it can be to not make progress toward our goals.

Then, I kind of chuckled to myself. She doesn’t need more fitness advice. She’s wading in it neck deep – there are thousands of tidbits of advice available in that forum.

But, she IS stuck and something IS holding her back. I believe she needs solid, actionable goal setting tips, not more fitness advice.

I see the same panic calls in my work as a consultant. People like Harry, a senior leader in technology, can quote key passages from all the latest leadership best sellers. He’s taken every leadership assessment, training class and conference available.

He too is wading neck-deep in information.

He wants to be a stronger leader and has been told that his listening skills are hindering his success. He’s said he’s determined to be a better listener, and he means it. He even has a written development plan!

But in the last six month’s there’s been no improvement in Harry’s listening skills.

It can be hard to change habits, especially those things we’ve been doing our entire life, like eating and communication. Simply talking about your goals is not enough. It IS a start, but, as we can see in Harry and FitnessNut’s case, it’s just not enough.

The Best Tips on Setting Goals

Think of these tips as your own personal Life Alert Panic Buttons. Use them to get back up when you’ve ‘fallen’.

Best Tips on Setting Goals #1: Convince Yourself - This involves making a deep personal connection with whatever you’re planning to change. The importance of convincing yourself is very powerful and often gets overlooked.

Here’s what you do, answer this question:

"When I get better at…"

(state your goal – example: Listening)

"… I will…"

(state how will you or others will benefit – example: Gain more respect from my team.)

Answer this question out loud AND in writing 15+ times, with different answers each time.

When I do this for myself or with others, the personal meaning around the goal is ‘magically’ revealed. If you keep answering the question, like peeling an onion, you’ll eventually ‘get to’ the real benefit of the goal.

Re-read your list of benefits, and add to it, every day. Don’t stop reading it.

When you connect with yourself around what you want and why you want it you won’t need more advice or pushing from others. You’ll decide for yourself and you’ll take ownership of your goal. That’s powerful.

Best Tips on Setting Goals #2: Pick One Area and Attack It - High achievers have a glaring tendency to over commit. They want to improve EVERYTHING. Then they get overwhelmed, frustrated and either give up or post a desperate message in a forum.

Here’s the solution: pick ONE issue or area and focus there. Then attack that area.

ONE area at time.

Work with how your brain learns and changes habits. If you want to reach your goals, focus on ONE area at time. If you truly are ATTACKING this area – you’ll meet that goal and be ready for the next one, making fast and furious progress.

Remember, pick ONE area and ATTACK it.

Best Tips on Setting Goals #3: Be Bold and Advertise – Tell everyone that you’re creating new habits. Share your goal with anyone who will listen.

We view each other through our own lens of expectation. If Harry's always been a poor listener, his co-workers will tend to interpret everything he does through that expectation, even when he’s working hard to do things differently.

Lack of support and affirmation from others can defeat even the strongest of wills and make you want to go give up. People just aren’t paying as much attention to us as we think they are! (How dare they have their own lives!)

The work you’re doing and the changes you’re making may be obvious to you – but most people just won’t see the new you unless you share what you’re doing.

Be bold. Advertise, let people know what you’re doing – so they can support you and start to look for the new you.

These are the best tips on setting goals:

1. Convince Self.

2. Pick One Area and Attack It.

3. Be Bold and Advertise

Use these tips to get up and get exactly what you want. YOU can be do and have everything that you want.