Worrying seems to come naturally to many of us, and we get uptight about the most unlikely things. How to impress a potential mate is one of those things, with the focus of anxiety ranging from where to go to what to do to fears about an inadequate sexual performance.

"What if I don't last long enough?" or "what if I can't get started?" are just a couple of worry-some questions which can just "pop" into one's mind. The female mind tends to drift towards "will I reach orgasm?" or "what if I take ages?" These types of thoughts are not very helpful. The thoughts themselves hover like a black fog, waiting and ready to quickly put out any flame of sexual excitement which might otherwise have begun to kindle.

Cringe-worthy images spring into one's mind, unbidden and, in the main, totally uncalled for. It seems that we are our own most critical critic, and it is our own internal dialogue which attempts to sabotage our efforts at dating before we even get going. It is important to remind oneself that flirting and sexual encounters are natural. We have an evolutionary instinct for this "stuff".

The whole point of having "instincts" is that they are natural tendencies; they instigate automatic action. This means that it will happen automatically, without you even having to think - it just happens. There is one proviso, which is that you can mess up your natural instincts by thinking and worrying too much.

When it comes to sexual confidence, you gain it by moving away from your focus upon worries and fears and getting back in touch with your natural instincts. By focusing on your feelings, upon what you can see, hear, touch, taste and smell, you will instinctively know what to do next. Sexual confidence comes naturally as you allow yourself to stop thinking and start feeling.

Awareness is what is important. If you focus upon your inner thoughts you are taking your awareness away from what is happening now, so that you do not notice properly what is going on and you are left wondering what to do next. If instead you focus upon now, and all of those feelings and sensations, you will have no time (or desire) to think or to worry; you will be enjoying a positive and sensual sexual encounter.

You can see clearly how your thoughts have the power to impact greatly upon your libido. A loss of libido will almost always be traced back to the way in which you think. Yes, the result is physical, but the cause is generally squarely placed in one's mind. But this is wonderful news, as what naturally follows is that you can increase your libido through learning to think in a different way as well.

So, you have her number and you're wondering what to do next. It's actually very simple to answer this question. Be aware, pay attention, watch and listen…and then just go with the flow. Your interest and libido will naturally be piqued. Plan the kind of date that you would like to experience in your mind's eye, as opposed to the cringe-worthy images that you may have allowed to slip into your mind before.

Whatever you imagine you will create. The key is in training your mind to imagine the things which you want as opposed to the things you'd prefer to forget about.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis downloads to increase libido and improve sexual confidence.