The diaper has evolved. These are no longer your grannie’s little cotton nappies or your mother’s disposables. Now, you can—and you should—swaddle your baby in organic diapers.

In fact, the whole concept of diapering has evolved, strongly influenced by environmentalists cleverly disguised as new parents, who realized that both old fashioned diapering techniques were wreaking havoc on the planet and weren’t all that great for their kids either.

Never again a cotton diaper!

Your poor baby will suffer unbearable ridicule and intimation if she shows-up for play-dates or the nursery outfitted in old-fashioned cotton diapers. Moreover, the other mothers will shoot you that look that says, "Oh, you poor misguided thing. We must either correct your evil ways or shun you altogether." Some of the more straightforward mothers simply will allege that you wantonly rape the planet. You must just say "no."

In fact, old-fashioned cotton diapers number among the most destructive, flagrantly wasteful products on the market today. Old-fashioned commercially grown cotton, that simple white fluffy stuff wrapped around you in your baby pictures, sucks all the nutrients from the soil and pumps it full of toxic, carcinogenic chemicals that inevitably, inexorably seep into the ground water. If all of that were not cause for abandoning them, old-fashioned cotton diapers pump hundreds of thousands of gallons of bleach into the water recovery systems every day, and they consume millions of kilo-watt hours of fossil-fuelled electricity as millions of mothers wash them.

Dispose of the disposables.

Disposable diapers, the go-to nappie of young urban parents throughout the 1980s and 1990s, are approximately 99%b as evil as old-fashioned cotton diapers. Invented by an Indiana housewife in 1950, the disposable diaper served the purpose of keeping the ex-GI’s employed, increasing the number of jobs in paper and plastic manufacturing. A genuinely baby-friendly motive if the stork ever saw one. Although they cost a little bit more than cotton diapers, they made-up in convenience what they forfeited in price. Admit it: anyone who ever changed a disposable diaper with one hand while chatting on the cell phone with the other must confess that the makers of disposable diapers had convenience elevated to the status of art.

Of course, disposable diapers never were made of recycled paper products, because recycled paper never could be white enough to satisfy choosy mothers’ aesthetics. Only new trees would bleach so fluffy white the diapers looked like little clouds. Note that the manufacturers bleached the fibres repeatedly, and then dumped the fiercely acidic water right back into the water supply—no attempt to reclaim or recycle. Hence, disposable diapers accounted for the release of hundreds of millions of gallons of slightly diluted hydrochloric acid into the water and earth.

The dawn of the earth-friendly diaper

New Age parents have completely reinvented the diaper, making it "a system." As soon as your newborn makes her debut in your home, you wrap her in a diaper "pocket"—infinitely washable in cold water with earth-friendly detergent. Inside the pocket, you insert one of three pads. Choose among (1)an organic hemp piece which also washes in cold water and becomes fluffier with each wash; or (2)an organically-grown cotton piece produced by third-world farmers as part of their emerging economies’ development; or (3)a fully compostable model made entirely of recycled materials and guaranteed to break down in your garden within three months of your tossing it into the heap.