Nice Chinese guys win hearts in the interracial relationships
- Author Anna Reco
- Published December 4, 2017
- Word count 1,643
The story of Anna and Fei
Fei and I met in Brisbane, Australia; I was born here but was traveling to China frequently, and he had already lived in Brisbane for over 10 years. It happened by chance when he was ‘dragged’ along by his friends to KTV one night even though he didn’t want to go, and the same went for me and my friend! As soon as I entered the room, he was the first thing I saw, sitting right in front of me. I went, sat next to him, and we connected instantly. I know it was his eyes that I fell in love with! By the next day after we met, we were already a couple, and have been ever since! He is my longest ever relationship, and I do not regret a minute of it. We still live together in Brisbane but will be moving to his hometown Jinan in January 2018.
Questions to Her
On Our first date...
For our first date, Fei went all out. He asked me to dress up, got me roses, booked one of the most expensive restaurants in Brisbane and just treated me like a princess. I still remember how happy I was,
and how handsome I thought he looked in his black suit.
During the first months of dating my deal-breaker would be...
Our first few months together were a bumpy ride, complicated by family problems and my own health problems. We started to fight a lot, especially if he misunderstood something I said - I have a very short temper, so this time was tough for us both. We almost ended it on more than one occasion heh…
I learned He is right for me when…
I learned he was right for me when I realized that he would sacrifice his own desires for my own. As an only child living alone overseas, he lived a somewhat lonely life where he focused on himself. He was his first priority. If he wanted something or wanted to do something, he would buy it/do it! But after he met me, he began to slowly change. He would always be conscious of my needs, and would often surprise me with gifts (things I had said in passing that I had really liked). I had never been treated better by anyone in my whole life. He was my rock, and he amazed me daily.
I had culture shock when He…
expressed his interest in marriage after only a few months! In Australia, it can easily take 10 years of a couple being together before they will become engaged, and even then it can take up to 5 years after that for them to finally take that last step. But for Fei, he was ready almost instantly! (Though I have managed to calm him down, and reach a compromise haha).
3 things I love about Him are…
His strength, his open-mindedness, and his kindness. Fei works hard every day, gets up early, goes to work and even does housework (which is a first for a boyfriend for me haha!). He always tries to see things from my point of view, always considering my age and cultural background so that we can find a compromise (like him promising to me that we won’t get married until I am at least 26, rather than 21 like he originally wanted hah…). And lastly, his kindness. The way he treats my friends and family is amazing to me. He spoils my Mum and friends with gifts, nice dinners, and on top of this, he compliments me daily, making sure that I feel confident and loved. He’s the perfect man for me :)
The most beautiful thing He ever did for me was…
when we traveled to his hometown, we didn’t need to pay for anything. Food, hotels, transport was all organized by his family. Every night we would be invited to dinner with his classmates or colleagues, which they would treat us to. Fei says that in the North of China, this is the custom. It is sort of like their way of taking care of visitors and showing the warmth that I find so synonymous with China. There is a huge sense of family, pride, and responsibility that I feel every time I go there. It is definitely starting to feel like home :)
During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…
That I didn’t always need to be so independent or fight it if he wanted to take care of me. "My" things became "our" things, "his" things became "our" things. We started to build a life together, which I had never done before.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Western girlfriends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be...
To learn his language. I have seen many couples where the girlfriend cannot speak the boyfriend’s language fluently. Not only do I believe that the relationship should be as equal as possible (He has probably learned English for you, so you should learn his language for him), but it will let you get to know him so much better. Learning the language opens the doors to his culture, his friends and family, his upbringing and childhood. Not to mention it will buy you some brownie points with the in-laws haha! Traditional families may not accept their son/daughter dating a foreigner, and a lot of girlfriends have to try very hard to impress their in-laws. But I find that if you’re fluent in the language, this problem will go away 90% of the time. You will be able to communicate through any problem, laugh together, watch movies and dramas together and understand each other on a deep level that only language can unlock.
Questions to Him
Asking Her out for the first time was...
…nerve-wracking and exciting hahaha. I knew she was the right one from the first time I saw her, so the first date meant a lot to me. I took her to a 5-star hotel to have dinner, and she looked amazing that night.
I learned She is right for me when…
I fell in love with her for the first time I met her. In Chinese, we called this "love at first sight". There was no specific moment where I learned that she is the one. I have just always felt this way.
I had culture shock when She….
For festivals like Christmas, birthdays and Western New Years Anna will give everyone presents, write cards, prepare a big meal and make it a very special occasion. I had never experienced this before, so it is very special for me. Now I have something to look forward to throughout the year.
3 things I love about Her are…
She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.
She treats her family and friends very well. For example, she surprised her Mum by buying her a car. It has always been her first priority to look after her family.
She cares about the world. She always thinks about how to help others; humans and animals.
She wants to give the street dogs and cats in China a home to help them and tried to volunteer to be a carer at the orphanage in Jinan.
The biggest misconception about Her country and culture was…
I used to think that Australian people were silly; even if no one was watching, they would still try their best to follow the rules or do the right thing. But now I realize that it is actually a form of kindness, and a respect for the world and all of the people in it.
The things that She likes to do for fun with me are…
We like to go and watch movies together, eat dinner out every night, and sing together! (Especially the last one). Travelling together is also one of our favorite things to do. Through this, I have learned to be an "Instagram boyfriend", how to take the perfect pictures of her when traveling. She is my little model.
She hates when I…
Hahahaha…. Too many things. When we first met, I never really tried to control my swallowing noises when eating or drinking. Most Chinese people don’t really worry about this. But I quickly learned that if I didn’t change my habits, I would be left without a girlfriend hahaha.
During this relationship the most important thing I learned about myself was…
That I could love someone that much. I loved her more than I loved myself, which I had never done before, and that I am willing to spend the rest of my life to look after her.
If there is a piece of advice I could give to my fellow Asian friends who are into the AMWF relationships that would be...
Honestly, out of all my Chinese friends, I do not know one of them who I believe could make a successful AMWF relationship. Lots of Chinese people are not willing to learn fluent English or take the time to really understand their girlfriend’s culture. They are very accustomed to dating other Chinese girls, or perhaps someone from another East-Asian country. To have an AMWF relationship there needs to be patience, understanding and the will to go on. However, I hope that more people can open their hearts to someone from another country, to experience the things that I have. I also hope that more and more young Chinese people are open-minded, and can accept the way of the future. It can be hard for them if their parents are too traditional and only expect them to live the way they think is right.
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