1. Identify What You Really Need

You know what you don’t want, but until you’ve clearly identified what you do want, how can you see any options to get it? The first step is to identify the subconscious needs that are driving your behavior. Once you understand what you are really after, you can choose a healthier way to get it.

For example, do you want a cigarette, or do you want to feel calm and in control? Do you want a drink, or do you want to feel more relaxed and confident? Do you really want to put another $100 chip on the table, or do you just want another round of excitement? What is the actual feeling you are trying to get through your unwanted habit or behavior?

2. Make It Essential

Ever notice how you usually accomplish the things you must do, while the things you should do typically get postponed? Think of your basic daily functions. Should you eat, sleep, drink, or bathe upon occasion? Or are those things you MUST do? How about getting dressed, going to work, or putting gas in your car? Are those things that you should merely get around to sometime? Or have you decided they are absolutely essential to your day?

The key in this step is to discover your own most compelling reasons for making the desired change. By fully associating to the undeniable consequences of your behavior, you’ll quickly find the necessary motivation. What are three essential reasons that are compelling enough for you to finally get the job done?

3. Pick and Choose Your Beliefs

At the root of every action, you have many beliefs about yourself and your environment. Some of those beliefs are good for you. Some, not so good. Now you must decide which are which. You must figure out how to strengthen the beliefs that support you, and drop the ones that no longer do you any good - no matter how much comfort they may have given you in the past!

Within your environment, you must evaluate whatever is influencing your behavior - the external pressures that currently distract and threaten you. Within yourself, you must root out the mental, physical, and emotional patterns that reinforce your habit and tempt you to give in. More precisely, when you look at the actual symptoms of your beliefs - the things you typically think, feel, say, and do whenever indulging in your habit - you will get a pretty good idea of what’s really going on in your head.

This is where the real work must be done, but contrary to popular opinion, it does not require years of therapy or anonymous support groups. What it takes is the courage to ask yourself better questions, the flexibility to choose better answers, and the courage to believe in your own highest truth. So what do you believe is true about your habit? What do you believe is true about yourself? And do those beliefs help you or harm you? Do they limit you? Or do they liberate you?

4. Replace The Behavior

All your behavior is driven by your beliefs. Once you know how to choose between beliefs that serve you, and beliefs that enslave you, you’ll be free to make healthier decisions, and to behave in ways that are healthier for you all around. Remember, you can’t just erase a behavior, you have to replace it with something even better. The best way to do that is by building on a solid foundation.

Start here: What is one invincible truth you’re absolutely certain of, or what is one good thing you believe that has stood the test of time? Doesn’t matter how small or insignificant it may seem - if its real for you, then its real important! Take a moment now to think of something you know in your heart is true, and then answer the following question: "Knowing that fact is true, how does it make me feel?"

The same thing goes when developing a new habit. With regards to creating a "powerful new identity", one that is stronger than your unwanted habit, what is one small truth that you’re absolutely certain of, and what is one definite step you can take to immediately begin expressing it? Now what actions can you take in this very moment, to move towards developing an entirely new behavior, in support of a fragile new belief?

5. Over and Over Again

The fact is, you can instantly change your behavior, but the real challenge is learning how to accept your own truth as being greater than the stories other people are selling you. Here, repetition is the key.

Over the years, your mind has been unconsciously programmed to serve others, now, you must consciously train it to serve yourself. You must exercise your own power of choice over and over again, constantly choosing the new behavior in a variety of situations. Gradually, you will re-condition yourself to prefer the healthier option.

This is the part that always takes time, but don’t get caught in the trap of perpetual recovery. The question to ask at this point is "How will you know when you have finally won the battle? How will you know when at last you have fully recovered, and there is nothing left to fear?" Whatever actions you have chosen to replace the old behavior, you must now constantly repeat those actions until you know the job is done.

6. Validate Your Progress

By this stage you are well on your way to transforming your beliefs and behavior. You have identified what you really want; you have acquired the necessary motivation to see it through; you have eliminated the unhealthy mental, physical, and emotional patterns that have been holding you back; you have replaced those unhealthy patterns with beliefs that serve you; and you have spent a period of time aligning your daily actions with your true values and objectives.

Now, the best thing you can do is constantly catch yourself doing things well. By focusing on the positive aspects of your progress, you not only validate your own judgment and self-worth, you invalidate the negative programming that had previously been oppressing you. As you focus more and more on the small but definite improvements you are making, you will quickly gain the momentum to break free entirely.

7. Environmental Support

For improving your behavior, a supportive environment isn’t a luxury. It’s a necessity. It is now imperative to catch yourself doing things well as often as possible. And, to reinforce your healthy new behavior, it’s also important to get the encouragement of others.

By creating a supportive environment, enlisting the help of others who know what you are up against, and by surrounding yourself with happy, healthy people, you are far more likely to get where you want to go. You must avoid people who want to commiserate, lay blame, make excuses, dwell upon the drama, and generally drag you down. Instead, surround yourself with people who encourage your success. Seek people who have the ability, not just the desire to help you get results. Now you are free not only to choose your course of action, but to share what you have learned with others.

At this point there is no turning back. You have seen the truth of your own personal responsibility, and the power to create your fate.