As we enter the festive season and the new year, this is usually the busiest time – Christmas and the festive season are coming up, and everyone is ready to arm themselves against the racket that will get put up by children and teenagers in the coming weeks, and are all wondering: will teenagers ever grow up?!

In recent years, the subject of teenagers, and inter-generational relationships has been a popular and booming subject in families. I mean, look what type of world we’re living in now – technology, global warming, and financial meltdowns: this is the environment our teenagers are exposed to every single day. It is also the type of world they have grown up in.

Based on my honest research over the past 6 years of being a teenager, and being exposed to teenagers and people in contact with them every single day, I have collected the most relevant information about how to understand, relate to, and generally build that better relationships with the teenagers in our lives – at home, at work, and anywhere else we encounter them on our journey through life.

The Three Top Teen Tips for 2009:

You Shut Up!

Everyone loves to be heard.

Next time you’re talking to teenager, or even if there is an argument or misunderstanding, no matter how badly you want to speak over them, yell, scream or add your 2 cents in, take a breath and hear them out first. One of the following things may happen:

a) You may hear a story that can change your mind about what you were just about to say

b) They may blurt out some silly heat-of-the moment comment that you can share at dinner tonight

c) You would have given them the right of speech before you. This means they will immediately make a mental note of this, so when they’ve finished, they will subconsciously be inclined to listen to you without interruption. At the end of the day, you’re prepping them to let them listen to you, by psychologically respecting their right to speak.

By the way, did you know that the words we use when we communicate only influence 7% of the entire conversation? Tone of voice and body language make up the other 93%! So remember this the next time you’re talking to a teenager: watch out for your body language – it needs to be open, and your tone needs to also reflect the message you want them to take onboard: stop and think – is my tone reflective of the message I want to send?

Reason With Us

Whatever your point of view is, every time you make it, always follow up with the reason for your thinking.

This tiny, simple thing is so powerful! When you get into the habit of following up all your opinions and decisions with reasoning, it will encourage the teenager to develop the same habit. When making decisions in future, they will practice more effective decision making, given they have developed a habit to make informed decisions about their actions, having analyzed its reasons and consequences.

By the way, many parents are worried about teenagers trying drugs, well here we go: no one sticks drugs down a teenager’s throat (in 99.99% of cases) – it’s all a decision they make. If a well-informed, and decision-making-conscious teenager is ever put into this position, they would have the reflex to make their actions based on smarter decision making.

Responsibility is An Honour.

Put yourself into a teenager’s shoes for one second:

The word Responsibility is boring and restrictive. While the word Freedom is free, and good. The truth of the matter is that when one doesn’t carry responsibility, they have no freedom either. I can’t stress enough how badly teenagers need to understand this from the adults around them – it seems obvious, but it really isn’t!

Sit down, and have a talk to your teenager about the fact that, so example, they have the responsibility to have the car back at home by 10pm, and their rewarded freedom is the fact that they CAN in fact, take the car out.

By the way, make sure you AWAYS state the responsibility before freedom. If you give freedom first, and ‘mention’ responsibility afterwards, they don’t understand that the responsibility isn’t an option if they want the freedom. Literally tell them that this freedom just came with a responsibility – their responsibility.

Remember: teenagers are people too, and your trust means everything to us.

Trust Our Future, Trust Their Future, Trust Your Future.

Want more tips on surviving this Christmas with teen?

I’ve had so many people writing in, asking for advice for the festive season that I decided to do something very special...

The 25 Day Countdown of Tips of ‘Surviving Xmas With Teens’!

Starting December 1st, we will be counting down the 25 biggest tips on how to survive these holidays, get your teens involved, and on top of all of that: do this without stress!

It's absolutely free to receive these daily tips - just head to

www.eva-maria.co.nz

and sign up on the Home Page!

Tell all your family and friends about it, and together, I look forward to helping improve 1,000,000 adult-teenager relationships with you!

Happy Holidays!

P.S. See you at the countdown!