This is a short article to help fathers through the difficult time of birthdays and Christmas whilst fighting a restraining order.

First of all, dealing with a restraining order and all its paperwork might be a civil matter, but any violation of its terms is a criminal matter with hefty penalties. It only takes one mistake to end up behind bars, where you can't help anyone. It will harm your case if you end up in jail because you sent your children gifts and violated the no contact provision.

So where does that leave you when you're fighting a restraining order? Well, it's a hard place to be, but not an impossible situation. Here's a few ideas about how you can improve things:

Communication

Tell your children you love them in any way you can. If you can speak to a grandparent or neighbor, pass on that message of love and explain that you're fighting the restraining order. Ask them to explain you're doing all you can to be able to see them.

Keep a Diary

It helped me immensely to show my kids what I was going through during fighting the restraining order against me. I haven't let them read all of it (because it's private), but small extracts such as the entries on their birthdays made them able to understand how much I'd wanted to see them.

This helped a lot with my oldest son, who was old enough to understand my ex's poison speeches about how I "didn't care enough to visit on birthdays" but didn't understand how hard I was fighting the restraining order. Showing them the diary is proof that this wasn't the case and can offset some of the damage your ex has caused.

Keep Presents for Future Special Occasions

I didn't know that it would be three years before I obtained custody of my sons again, but what bonded the family together later on was the pile of Christmas presents I'd been unable to give during the December I was fighting a restraining order. The tears of laughter were bittersweet as my youngest son attempted to fit into jumpers I'd bought months before the restrictions, and his growth spurt.

So don't throw pre-bought presents away, store them safely and think of how good it will be when you can pass them on.

Get Further Help

If you can find a support group, or involve your friends and relatives in some emotional support for you, it makes the process of divorce much easier. Even just practical help, such as a lift to a lawyer's appointment, is a bigger blessing than most people realise. If you are offered help, take it!