The Top 10 Do's & Don'ts for Getting Your Ex Back

Throughout my teenage years I had no end of relationship problems, which all ended with me either sobbing like a baby or getting all macho and becoming very rude and obnoxious. I thought that arguing with girls was part of the process because I loved the Magic of Making Up. If only I knew then what I know now !!

Whether you are looking to get Your Ex Girlfriend Back, Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back, Get Your Ex Wife Back, Get Your Ex Husband Back, all relationships have the same things in common and there are many many books, videos, programs and courses out there that can help you patch things up, but nothing beats advice from someone who has actually been there and made the mistakes so that you don't have too.

My first real relationship took me through my 20's, we were together for 8 years before things went stale. I made all the classic mistakes in trying to win her affections back, but there was a sting in the tail, something that no one warns you about, 'What if they get back with you but have a hidden agenda'?!!. I thought i was in love and as we know love is blind. She came back after 4 months of me doing all the wrong things, begging , gift showering, emailing, stalking, phone messages, eventually over a very expensive meal in a top restaurant and an empty promise of change and a diamond engagement ring.. she came back. Within a year we bought a house, flew to South Africa and bought the biggest diamond I could afford.

We had planned a wedding for year two and I took two jobs to cover our new found lavish lifestyle, eventually stress took hold and my health began to suffer, I was so obsessed with keeping her happy that when she turned round one day and told me she no longer loved me or wanted to marry me, I simply broke down, I couldn't go through the heartache of a break up again, so I just gave her the keys to the house, packed a bag and drove to my parents. There i stayed for a year and in that years she sold our house and married our bank manager. That was over ten years ago and it still hurts, however we still keep in touch, she is on husband number 3, has 4 houses which she rents out and is quite the business woman.

All I am saying is "be aware", have some pride and dignity in yourself and if you really want your ex back, just make sure it is for the right reasons and that those feelings that you have are mutual. Click Here if you want to Win Your Ex Back

Read on….

Here are my Top Ten Do's & Don'ts for Getting Your Ex Back.

1. Start Changing Your Tactics !! -- What ever it is you are currently doing, obviously isn't working. The relationship breakdown will have tremendous strain on your emotions and it would be natural to assume that your normal behaviour patterns will change, so no matter how difficult it may seem at the time, you must gain control of your emotions and avoid saying anything that you could later regret, not only around your ex, but in front of mutual friends and others who love to stir. Be nice, be civil, don't beg, don't wish, be normal, be polite, it will hurt, but it will be worth it.

2. Don't Become a Pest !! -- What ever you do, do not turn into a 'lost Puppy' especially you men, if you decide to have a pity party remember you are the only one that will be invited. Do not turn into a 'Stalker', there will be the odd occasion that you will bump into them on the town, but if this turns into a regular thing, such as bumping into them at parties, on the street, in the workplace etc, they will become uncomfortable with this and then you have lost the challenge. The same goes for the phoning and texting and emailing, just don't do it !!

3. Avoid Displays of Jealousy. -- It is only natural to feel jealous of anyone that comes near your ex, but all this does is reaffirm their control over your emotions and often any displays of jealousy are seen as you making an idiot of yourself. So remember being jealous is a natural emotion, one which will be hard to disguise, but displaying jealousy is a big no no !

4. Don't Smother Your Ex. !! -- Time is a great healer, most relationships do need that reevaluation or refresher moment and remember during that break-up period, it is a difficult time for both of you, so don't shower them with gifts, cards, flowers, chocolates, love note and such like, this will only make things more awkward and in some cases will embrace them, which will lead to them avoid you as much as they can. However if you were to act in a more empathetic way such as suggesting that you both take a step back and give each other a little space, this will work wonder in winning brownie points. So in conclusion, don't try and buy them back, but take a step back and allow them to reflect. Making up can be magic but give them space.

5. Don't Get Angry or Even !! -- Always try to be the better person. There are going to be times when you ex will do things that will leave you seething inside, but the key is not to display anger or irritation. This will be very difficult, because if there is anyone in the world that knows where your hot buttons are 'it is your ex'' and some days they might be having a bad day and you become an easy target for their stress relief. So you must rise above it, show them that you have changed, you no longer want or need the the stress in your life, especially a volatile relationship that will easily escalate and erupt into displays of all out convict. If you express an air of decorum and self control without being condescending and making them feel stupid for trying to 'get your goat' !, this will show to them that you have matured and actually learnt something from your time together.. this is good !!

6. Going Over the Top !! -- You have to be yourself, it is all to easy to think back as to what made your relation ship work in the beginning , what gave it it's spark, what was the wow factor that made us hit it off in the first place ? It would only be natural for you to think that is you could capture that essence and perhaps supercharge it and than you become the 'film-star' version of yourself and lay it on thick… guess what…. if there is one person whois going to see straight through an act.. it is your ex. They will interpret this as you being fake and masking your true feelings, the insincerity will be seen as a bit of a joke.

7. Making False Promises !! -- Have you ever heard yourself saying .. "please come back, I promise I'l change, I'l do anything, just please don't leave me, I love you" !… CLASSIC BEGGING and FALSE PROMISES. I have lost count as to how many times I've said things similar in my past. We all make false promise and say pretty much anything in the heat of the moment. It is the Fight or Flight emotion that kicks in, its a fear of losing and its something we cant accept. You must remember it is okay to let go, don't beg, its embarrassing and awkward for you and for them and the only reason they give in, is to stop the public embarrassment. Deep down you know that you won't change and even if you did it would only be a temporary measure to keep the relationship going, but guess what ?.. you'll be back at this exact point very soon when you let your true personality creeps back in.

8. Apologies, Pity, Convincing !! -- Here are three BIG NO NO's !! There is a philosophy that says "it is easier to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission" , this basically means - go ahead and do it anyway even if they say no and if it all goes wrong, just say sorry !!! . This is a great philosophy, however how many times do you believe you can get away with it ? If you are anything like I was, then you would find yourself constantly apologising and begging for forgiveness. If you feel your relationship is taking a turn for the worst you should Never start apologising for all the things you have done wrong in the past, what you're effectively doing is reminding them why the relationship has broken down in the first place, you are focussing on the negative.

Also don't act like the victim, don't make them feel like they should take pity on your situation and that you can't survive without them, this is seen as weakness and is not a good trait to have. I know your intentions may be to make them feel bad about the situation but what you are creating is resentment and you will push them further away. Women like men with back bones, not wish bones, and most men like women who are supportive and great listeners. Finally don't try to convince your ex that you should be together, and start reeling off all the things that make you a great couple and all the things they would miss if they weren't with you. A big miss conception is that you might believe that they can't do all these wonderful things without you, yet in this desperate display all you have managed to achieve is supplying them with a list of all the things they are going to do to prove you wrong.

9. Be Willing to make it Work. -- Ask yourself a very simple question. Do you want them back because you are genuinely in love with them and you will do anything to get them back. OR do you want them back because the lifestyle you have with them , they are a habit that you can quite break yet and you don't want anyone else to have them. The answer lay within you! .. If you genuinely feel that emotions between you can be re-kindled then you really need to know if the feeling is mutual and the only way to find out is to ask them. BUT creating the right environment is key… it has to be face to face, no text, no email, you must call them, be nice, arrange to meet for a coffee (somewhere public) and just say there are a few thing you'd like to talk about. It will be awkward, it will be slightly embarrassing, but if you believe you are meant to be together then you must ask this question:

Q: Do you believe we will ever get back together. ? obviously this is not the only question but it is one that will get the ball rolling. If they hesitate to answer of give you a vague response then you are in luck, there is still a glimmer of hope, because psychologically they have yet to make up there mind and still have no clear path on which they are heading.

10. Don't Do Nothing !! -- For any relationship to work, you have to put some effort it. Don't just think that they will come to there senses and eventually come back to you. If the relationship is worth saving, then you must fight for it. Don't you trickery, or gimmicky things, be sincere and honest, even if you weren't honest or open before, its time to change and change is something that you should not be afraid of. Just remember they might be going through the exact same dilemma as you. they might be having an extremely emotional time but are controlling it much better than you.

What you might read as them be cold and giving you the cold shoulder, may be their way of emotionally defending themselves against public displays of personal anxiety and turmoil. Be sensitive to how they might be feeling. Think back to when you first started dating, all that innocent flirting and eyelid fluttering, half smiles and shy glances… believe it or not, it still works. If you look into a persons eyes, if there is any kind of emotional connection, you will see it. No matter how hopeless you may think the situation, there is always a way.

I have often thought about creating a book containing all my experiences in the minefield that is relationships and Winning Your Ex Back, however I recently discovered 'The Magic of Making Up' a great guide that basically covers everything I wanted to say and more and I would highly recommend you take a look. For further information, click the link provided to Get Your Ex Back