Fostering a sense of Intimacy in Your Wedding Ceremony

by Maureen Thomson

The word intimate means different things to different people. To some couples, proclaiming their love before anything less than 100 people would be considered an intimate occurrence. For others, anything more than him and her on a secluded beach with an officiant present would destroy that intimate feeling.

No matter what your definition of (and comfort level with) intimacy, there are some tricks you can implement to include elements of intimacy for you and your sweetie before, during and after your ceremony. Unless you’re eloping in a state that does not require a witness to your vows, remember that the ceremony is meant to be a public declaration of your love. Public implies others, and often having others implies a lessening of intimacy—unless you’re a total ham and actually relish the idea of revealing your innermost feelings of love and devotion before your grandfather and your boss. So you might want to opt for tucking in some private moments where you can on your wedding day.

1. If you’re bucking tradition and seeing each other before the ceremony, consider having an intimate breakfast together. Even better—have it in bed. Over muffins and your last cup of coffee as singles, take a few minutes to connect before the well-intentioned hoards of well-wishers descend upon you.

2. Also in the bucking tradition category (as well as reserved for the truly organized). Consider having your private moment 30 minutes prior to ceremony start time. Get ready separately—totally ready (not ready except for a curler in your hair and no lipstick) and then kick your wedding party out of the bridal changing room (or wherever you happen to be) and allow for 15 minutes alone with your spouse to be. Who says the dramatic moment where he sees you in your dress for the first time has to be at the ceremony? How much more special will that "oh wow!" moment be if it’s shared by just the two of you? Not only will this give you some quiet time together, it will also help diminish ceremony nervousness for both of you.

3. At the start of the ceremony itself, have your officiant step away from you for a few moments to informally welcome your guests on your behalf. This interlude will give you a minute or two to whisper quietly to each other (assuming neither of you is wearing a microphone). You won’t have to pay much attention to what the officiant is saying at this point (you can tune back in when it comes to the "I do’s") and you can hold hands and exchange a few intimate words meant for each other’s ears only. (Be sure to arrange this with your officiant beforehand.)

4. After the vows, consider exchanging some heartfelt words with one another. Some couples choose to have the officiant step aside while they speak these words in a softer tone of voice—designed only for each other to hear. You might opt to have a short song playing for your guests to listen to during this time. Other couples choose to exchange these words in a more public way (i.e. aloud and allowing their guest to hear) but include some inside jokes and special phrases known only to the other.

5. At the conclusion of the ceremony, take 15 minutes to sequester yourselves somewhere privately. Your guests won’t miss you—especially if they are directed to drinks and hors d’oeuvres in your absence. This 15 minute break—coming on the heels of your pledge of lifelong commitment—will afford you the opportunity to exchange loving words, kiss like crazy (although I strongly recommend you hold off on any additional physical affection until the wedding night—this is about intimacy, not passion, and you’ve still got the reception!) and just decompress as a couple (Holy cow! We’re actually married!)

And if an intimate wedding is a priority for you, remember this obvious rule. The fewer people you have present at your wedding, the greater the amount of intimacy experienced by those who are in attendance (including the bride and groom!). Weddings have a way of taking on a life of their own, so bear in mind that if you want your special day to have a more intimate feel, you should commit to limiting your guest list. While it might be true that "the more, the merrier" the same can be said for "less is best" if your idea of an ideal wedding ceremony leans toward a warm intimate gathering over a wild party.