He chased you for weeks to get you to date him. He was so passionate about making you his girlfriend. That was two years ago. You’re still dating and you both seem very happy but he won’t even approach the subject of marriage. Is he afraid? Are you impatient? How to handle commitment phobic men?

Men and women see commitment in very different lights. Women measure their level of commitment by how long they have been in the relationship. After several months of dating, women decide it’s time to move from the dating to the serious relationship status. After years of dating, women decide it’s time to move the relationship from serious to marriage.

Men don’t measure relationships by time. Actually, men don’t measure relationships. They have a dormant clock inside that is only triggered internally when their "gut" says it’s time to settle down. No amount of time spent together will activate his internal clock. It’s dormant, remember; it has to be come from a feeling he experiences on the inside.

If you pressure him to activate his clock, his natural reaction is defense. He may see your approach as pressure and experience fear of committing for the wrong reasons. If you present your desire to commit in the form of an ultimatum, you will definitely shoot yourself in the foot. You can’t convince a man it’s time to settle down with you; he must see it with his own eyes and feel it in his heart. No argument you present will make him commit.

He will commit to you if he feels you are the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Nagging or complaining to him about a commitment will only drive him away.

The solution: honesty, patience and open communication.

Be extremely honest with yourself first and then with him. Are you the right woman for him? Do you classify your relationship as loving, nurturing and open to growth? Or is the relationship what you tell him it is? Can he be open and honest with his feelings and emotions without criticism or judgment? Can you be open and honest with your desires and aspirations for the relationship? If he doesn’t feel he can openly and honestly talk to you maybe that are the reason he hasn’t thought about a commitment. If you haven’t been honest with him, maybe that’s why he hasn’t committed to you.

Establish a level of communication that is easy and honest. Give him a comfort level that allows him to express his opinions and emotions. A mature man will be open to a serious conversation. An immature man will shut down and run. Remember, time is not a factor. Honest communication is your key to a long term relationship.