How to Marry a Millionaire

Just another ordinary evening at the Clubhouse on Gramercy Park!

How to Marry a Millionaire

Mother always told me that it is just as easy to fall in love with a person of means, as it is to with someone from the bourgeoise, but what mother didn't tell me was that, in order to meet them, I have to go where they are. My instructions will tell you what mother never did! In addition, I hope you'll find this article enjoyable to read in it's tongue and cheek vernacular!

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

Wit charm, modest budget for clothing ability to read and follow instructions

1.             Step 1
   

Practically every one of my poorer artist friends is ever so often joking that they maybe should just "give up" waitressing, or working as a shoe shine boy or out and out begging, or playing music on the streets of Manhattan or doing mime, or temping or any of the myriad of things we artists in New York have to do to pay the rent and just Marry a millionaire! It wouldn't be the first time that the marriage between a person of the arts and a ..shall we say, benefactor actually occurred. While I don't think any one of them were serious about marrying Cecil B. De Mille types or the like - the idea can be very appealing. I have had the opportunity not once, but quite a few times to marry that millionaire/billionaire who wanted me..thought I'd complete their life, and if not for my small town upbringing and scruples and out and out stupidity! I might have been able to go for it! But alas, I wouldn't be writing you now, having to deal with my minions and whatever pet project I happen to be on it..but no good millionairal proposal (if there's such an expression) lasts for ever, and even the best of them sour like a Hilton incarceration. But the point I am trying to make here is that, if it couldn't happen for me, and not that I don't possess that certain je ne sais pas that gets them going, it could happen for you. In this article I should like to tell you how to do this. After reading it, I'd appreciate your comments...and if you do marry, please keep my aspiring novel "Seven Murders In Sussex" in mind, thanks. And here we go, brace yourselves...

FIRST: Determine. One of the very first questions you must answer is, "what kind of millionaire are you interested in? Is it someone in Finance? Are they self-made? Or do they come from, what I like to call, "old money." This group is my particular favorite, because they tend to have all the money in the world, and seemingly no notion of how they got it, having been born into it and all that jazz. Once you determine who/what kind they are then we can get to the next question...

Step 2

SECOND: Appearance. Your personal appearance is very important. While it's not possible for everyone on the planet to look like Marilyn Monroe, or some Hollywood starlet..we must always do our best to try to look good. Now you might have some notion of what you'd have to look like to meet and marry the very very very rich..but let me tell you darlings, put away the faux diamonique and the updo sweeps with rhinestones galore and shy away from those gold lamai cha cha culottes or that prom dress or tux you never got to wear..remember this old adage, "less is more." I personally think that clean is best. You want to be simple. For men this could mean khakis, a white button down shirt, woven belt, and loafers, for the ladies this could mean a simple shirt dress from l.l. bean or the like, or just a nice cotton floral, nothing too showy, nothing flashy. Remember, it's not about standing out in the crowd. Quite possibly it is exactly the opposite. But we'll get to that later. If you have one small piece of nice jewelry or a smart watch, you might like to wear that. Small pearl earrings perhaps might fit the bill, or a good copy of a rolex watch or a small pin that has more significance to your family (perhaps an heirloom) and less about show. This is very important. You can't catch one if they think you are in pursuit of them for money alone. And I know, you're thinking, "but without love?" But how can you know if you'll fall in love with them if you haven't even met them yet. And let's face it, the largest denominators in failed marriages these days, meaning the number one reason why couples break up is..you guessed it, money, or lack of it. You don't have to believe me, you can check it out for yourself. What I'm saying is, don't pre-judge how a relationship will go just because someone has a hundred or so million. It isn't right. Everyone deserves a chance, even the very rich.

Step 3

THIRD: Location. You can't meet the guy/gal if you aren't where they are. Now you're thinking, where do I meet them? Well this will require research. I'm probably going to get into a lot of trouble for telling you this, and letting this particular cat out of the bag, but...every library in the United States can get a copy of The Social Register. In this book is listed the names of people on the register who for the most part are, to put it bluntly, stinking rich. Of course you can also find out who they are through your own means, even the internet. Or if you'd just like a grab bag of millionaires, you could attend any number of art auctions..you could go to some estate sales, you could go to boat shows, whale watching..anything that might interest your perspective. I never tire of art galleries or tennis matches. This is where they are. I've even gone to a dog show or two in Tarrytown, or the flea markets of East Hampton, or the shore line, in New Jersey Long Beach Island is famous for harboring the rich. Once you have a good sized list of places where you might find "the one" the next step is meeting them.

Tips & Warnings

THE ALL IMPORTANT MEETING. Okay, you've done your homework and you are dressed simply, yet elegantly, (depending on the outing). Now you want to meet them. Now you ask, "Richard, how can I possibly meet them...I'm blah blah blah fill in your nervous excuses..." It's easy. The best possible way is to be introduced, but not having come from money yourself, you may not know the people who would introduce you...and so we have the second method..what I like to call, "the parvenue." There isn't time here to explain to you what parvenue means, so look it up if you can..but basically there's a philosophy amongst the very rich which basically is this...they are autonomous..they don't need anyone. They can go it alone because they are that rich. The people they need are in service..and believe me, while you can snag a rich one this way, I'd hardly recommend it. Remember, the secret of them needing you, is you needing them. The more you need them to help you up the stairs, or keep you from fainting, or just anything, like getting you a glass of cold water, the more they will need you. Just another secret which will bring you happily to that wedding march. the secret to being needed, is to need..in small ways. The financial part can come later.

Beware, just because you find the person of your dreams and the lifestyle you are thinking will make your life happy - remember, the best things in life truly aren't things. If you can't enjoy a sunset when you're down and out, chances are you won't enjoy it aboard the yacht either. True love is always the best way to go, but in the meantime, live life to the fullest with all its wonderful possibilities. I think next I'll write how to marry for love and live on nothing!

Best regards, Richard!