Here are five pointers that you can used to help improve any relationship; especially your spouse. Honestly look at the things YOU do that you know are not helpful to the relationship. If you want something different, you need to do something different!

1. Make a conscious effort to stop blaming or criticizing. If you find yourself blaming or criticizing, stop, accept that you have slipped and offer a verbal apology.

2. Make an effort to notice the positive actions or things about your spouse, no matter how small. Make sure you tell your spouse you about the positive things. Remember the saying... good things come in small packages; well positive aspects of your spouse can also be small things.

3. Ask your partner what makes him/her feel loved and special. Every day, make a point of doing something that will make your partner feel loved and special .. even if you are mad at your partner do one loving act for your partner! (A good book to read is Gary Chapman’s Love Languages or take on online test at http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp)

4. How do you communicate? Let’s look at your communication skills.

Are you specific when you tell your spouse what you need? I would guess that your spouse is not omnipotent; your spouse can’t read your mind. Be specific about what you are trying to say.

How do you react to your partner? Do you have compassion for your partner or do you react with defensive words as if you are protecting yourself from danger? Think back to times when you were having a discussion with your spouse. Take note of how you reacted, with compassion?

Are you in the moment? When you are talking with your spouse do you stick with the current topic? Or, are you bringing up issues from the past? Stay in the moment.

Learn new skills that make communication safe and effective for both of you.

5. How about a little homework? Try reading a book that provides insights into relationship issues; Getting the Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix. This book will help you understand your underlying issues that can be build frustrations in your relationship; this book also provides expanded tips to a better relationship.

Most relationships can be saved and transformed. It does seem easy to just walk away. But this does not get rid of the relationship skills problem! 75% of people remarry after a divorce. The problem is that you bring the same habits and communication skills into the next relationship.