When you’re boyfriend or girlfriend leaves, it’s a sad day in your life. We’ve all been there before. Most of the time, we'll end up sitting helplessly in our room while thinking "I wish I knew how to get back my ex".

If you really want it, I'll warn you first: it might be a long and hard process. But the fact of the matter is that it can be done. So buck up, mope and get it out of your system, and let’s start working on getting them back.

Step 1 – Admit Total Loss

This is the huge step that some people never take. You know, the man in the bar who still dreams about his ex girlfriend from 10 years ago, or the girl that can never get over her ex-sweetie. These folks are still in the denial phase and it can last a lifetime.

First, confess "total" loss. They're gone, and that’s that. Although you’re going to get them back, it’s crucial that you first realize and feel that it’s fully over. As soon as you’re there, you'll be able to effectively start getting them back.

It’s a crucial step because you don’t want to appear desperate. If you go to your ex begging, sobbing, pleading, kneeling and making a sorry fool of yourself, it’s not likely to work. This is a huge mistake lots of people make. You don’t want to be desperate or phony. Quite simply, don’t start buying flowers or gifts and laying it on too thick. This is another big no-no.

Both pleading and present-buying tell your ex that you have not acknowledged the way things are. You are still living in a fantasy where the two of you are together, and it’s time to wake up.

Step 2 – Write Your Thoughts In A Letter

I've discovered this to be really effecting in getting an ex back. It’s the "opening move" as I call it. What it really does is show your ex that you’ve accepted the reality of the situation and that you’re honest. It requires writing a letter.

After you break up, you desperately want to communicate with your ex. Anybody that’s been there knows what i mean. Anything will do just to establish communication. You text them, email them, call them late at night, "drunk dial" them… and each one of this pushes them further away since it’s not genuine.

Here’s what you should do: Handwrite a letter telling your ex that you’ve accepted that it’s over. You understand now and you’re okay with it. That’s fundamentally all you need to say. It’s simple and non-threatening. After you break up with someone, you'll need space, and this sincere message from you gives them just that.

Step 3 – What Went Wrong?

The next phase is to find the cause things went bad. You have to be completely honest with yourself. This is a hard thing for most of us to do. It often means acknowledging blame, which isn’t easy. But, there’s got to be some reasons he or she left, and you have to figure it out.

Do you know the main reasons? They need space, there isn’t any romance or spark anymore, it’s gotten boring, there is somebody else, and big life changes are the main reasons people split up. The truly challenging part is that the reasons your ex gives might not be the genuine ones. They may even be deceiving themselves!

This step may take some time, but keep working on it. You can’t make a fresh start and keep your relationship going if you don’t understand what went wrong.

If you still think "I don't know how to get back my ex", pull yourself together and start to put some efforts into it. Start now before it’s too late, and you’ll be on the road to happiness again.