There's a terrible stereotype about men floating around. Apparently, we're all obsessed with sex and can't wait to jump into the nearest bed - except for those more liberated folk who get it on wherever they happen to be when the opportunity arises. Now that's great if you still have the stamina and hormone levels of a teen. But as we age and feel tired more of the time, the excitement of sex can begin to pale - well, just a little. Lining up against us aging lovers is the power of the marketers. Switch on your TV or open any respectable magazine, and you're suddenly looking at a simple message. Everyone can enjoy hot sex if they pop one of the little blue pills. We know this message is working because these pills are worth billions of dollars with couples popping them both when there is erectile dysfunction and in the hope the sex will somehow be better.

This is a real tough message for some to live with. Hey, you guys, no matter what your problems with sex, there's a pill to solve it. So what's a man do when he's simply not in the mood? These pills may give you a real hard erection where previously there was none. But this assumes you desperately want rock-hard erections all the time. Let's personalize the difficulty. You're a "happy" couple of fortysomethings. When you first got together, the lust was running high and sex was regular. But things have calmed down on your side. She's still very interested and you? Well, you have a lot of headaches. This is probably very frustrating for her and, maybe, a little intimidating for you.

If you asked a doctor, this is going to get the diagnosis of low libido: a loss of interest in sexual activity. This could be either an accusation or a defense depending on your point of view. A demanding partner might be offended if you no longer feel the same level of desire when offered the opportunity. The neutral view would say this described the situation without explaining why. The causes can be physical. The level of testosterone does fall as we age and low sex drive can be an early symptom of heart disease. It can be a side effect of drugs or excessive levels of alcohol. The overweight can also lose some interest. More common is loss of self-esteem as it shades down into depression. There can also be ill-defined problems with the relationship.

This is something you have to work through as a couple. No matter what the marketers may tell you, Viagra will do nothing for low libido. It's a test of the strength of the relationship. If you want to save it, you will work through health exams to eliminate underlying physical and psychological causes. Then come the counselors and therapists. Yes, it's all a big pain and you're suddenly going to be talking about a lot of stuff you would prefer to leave unsaid. But if the Viagra is not working, you will do what's needed to keep the team together and working well in bed (or wherever you happen to be when the opportunity arises).