Some people are instinctively honest and open; some would say that these people are too open and trusting and in this way leave themselves open and vulnerable to others who are tougher than them. Other people are more guarded and watch what they say and do around others and either keep themselves to themselves or only show a selective view of themselves to others; in this way they both protect themselves and avoid conflict.

What is the best way for someone to be? It is inevitable that there are both benefits and detriments to both angles. There is a flip side to every coin. I cannot help but think that in the long run it must be better overall to be yourself and show the real you, the authentic self, to others. Sometimes you may be ribbed or taken advantage of, or have to deal with conflicts, but it is quite simply easier to be yourself and therefore easier to build comfortable and "real" relationships.

As you get older and have more experience you learn who to trust with you innermost thoughts and who not to. As we build confidence and self-esteem we trust our instincts more and automatically adapt our own behavior to suit the circumstances. Sometimes though, if you have not been exposed to the most nurturing circumstances you will have erected a wall which you hide the real you behind. This makes sense as your instinct of survival tells you that you should protect yourself from danger.

The downside of this instinctive protective measure is that you cut yourself off from creating close ties with others; you stop yourself from developing deep friendships and relationships. This in turn has the effect of knocking your self-esteem still further and promoting feelings of depression. Human beings are sociable creatures; we need contact and interaction with others to feel at our best. The quality and quantity of social interaction is linked to our sense of self.

A recent study into the behavior of young girls by Sally Theran, assistant professor of psychology at Wellesley College, supports the premise that being open and honest promotes the building of closer bonds and also greater happiness in life. (Sally A Theran. "Authenticity with Authority Figures and Peers: Girls' Friendships, Self-Esteem and Depressive Symptomatology," The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, June 2010)

We are happier when we have a high sense of self-worth and self-esteem. We are happier when we are involved in close and meaningful relationships. If we guard our thoughts and feelings too protectively, whilst we do stop ourselves from immediate hurt and conflict but we at the same time run the risk of hurting ourselves more deeply in the long term, as we cannot build the best of relationships without being open and honest. If you are not your authentic self you are more likely to suffer loss of self-esteem, depression and unhappiness.

Roseanna Leaton, specialist in hypnosis mp3 downloads for self-esteem, happiness and relationships.

P.S. Are you curious about how hypnosis can help you to be yourself? Grab a free hypnosis mp3 from my website.