How often does the average couple have sex? What is the normal frequency? How often do you want to make love with your partner? How often does your partner want to make love? Often you will not get the same answer. The best answer may lie somewhere in between. Each person’s sexuality is as unique as his/her own fingerprint. It is therefore normal to have one partner wanting more sex than the other.

During the early period of a relationship there is high degree of passion and sexual frequency. The process of discovering one another as well as the novelty of the relationship is the main driving force. In the course of time this euphoria and mystery begins to wear off and a more sustainable pace develops. If both partners are comfortable with this adjusted pace, their shared passion and love will continue and likely to take on different meanings. But if one partner is not satisfied with the diminished frequency frustration and resentment can develop in the relationship.

What can you do if you and your partner cannot agree on the amount of intimacy in your relationship:

(1) Get a time to sit down and talk with your partner to determine the root causes of the decrease in sexual frequency in your relationship. You should first look at what is happening outside of the bedroom. In many marriages, even if both partners are working, the woman still does the majority of the housework or the day-to-day work activities can make both emotionally drained at the end of the day. The husband will have to share in some household tasks. Couples will have to schedule time for intimacy moments.

(2) Make a habit to find out about each other preferences. Ask your partner how often and when (morning or end of day) he or she would like to be intimate. Find out what she likes during intercourse and what positions are most gratifying for her. Encourage your partner to explore her sexual curiosity. Perhaps there are sex positions she is not comfortable with while there are others she is keen to try out. What is most important is she is relaxed enough to let go off herself and enjoy the lovemaking process. Most women are not able to enjoy sex as much as they want because they are not emotionally motivated. The way to overcome this is to make her feel loved and appreciated, listening to her and helping her out.

(3) Giving assurance to your partner. If you are the one who at times have a real hard day and feeling exhausted, do let your partner understand that it is not because you lose interest in him or her and you need a bit of time to recover.

(4) Make sure she is in the mood. At times when your partner is not in the state of mind to make love, trust this is a temporary situation, give her the space she needs and maybe try again the following night. Being aggressive in promoting your needs over the needs of your partner can destroy trust and hurt your relationship.

(5) Assess what you normally do and expand it. If it is a couple of kisses, undressing each other, lights off and get it over, see what else you can spice up the whole process. In this scenario you are neglecting other senses of hearing, smell, sight and touch. How about starting your act outside of the bedroom with some surprise exploratory touching, along with some flirtatious remarks? This is how you can expand your range of actions to include touching and hearing to slowly "heat" things up.

(6) Get physical. During the early period of relationship, couples touch each a lot, hold hands and passionately kiss each other good-bye. After marrying for a few years, most of their physical contact may only happen in the bedroom. You can bring the spark back by kissing without expecting sex, holding her hand or rubbing her shoulders while watching TV.

(7) Work towards a compromise. You can move gradually by starting something that she is comfortable with and then expand a bit more. If you are on the receiving end of the favor, be realistic and do not insist on having everything in your own way. For example, if you want oral sex but your partner will only feel comfortable after you have taken your shower and in this case, you have to give in.