Conventional thinking is it is usually women who have a low libido while men’s sex drive is always as strong as ever. The truth is a lot of guys are finding that though they have the will and desire they may no longer as energetic as they used to be in the bedroom. Men who have a reduced sex drive usually do not like to talk about this even to their partners. Their women are afraid that if they dwell too much on this topic, it may hurt their men’s ego or either they feel themselves no longer attractive to their men. According to Louanne Cole Weston, a California-based sex therapist, in those relationships that have the issue to discrepancy of frequency and desire, about 40% of them is men wanting less.

How do you define low libido? According to Weston, there is no definite answer because it is very subjective. A man who feels he has a low libido problem has to find this quite distressing to himself and his partner. On the other hand, there are couples who do not view sex as a high priority and yet they still like each other, do not fight. They find true joy in what they are doing together, feeling perfectly okay and do not want to change the situation.

What are the common causes of low male libido? The leading reason is medication especially those anti-depressants and anti-hypertension drugs that have this side effect of diminishing sex desire. Tired, stress and excessive drinking and smoking are other causes. For couples who have been together, anger can often hurt one or both partner’s sex drive.

Now that we have listed out some of the possible causes of low male libido and the next thing is how to overcome this. Here is how:

(1) Mentally connect with your partner

Couples who communicate well with one another and share activities together are often more active in sex. You should share with one another your sexual desires and fantasies and how both of you like to be aroused. Talk with your partner about the issue of low sex drive and be careful not to put any blame on her. Some suggestions for beginning the talk:

(a) I have been thinking about ……………

(b) What do you think about ………………

(c) I like to talk about ……………………..

(d) I want to have a better understanding of your point of view

(2) Sort out relationship differences

Marriage can get rocky. Sometimes you have to talk about difficult subjects including division of responsibilities, financial matters, relationships with in-laws, methods of child upbringing, just to name a few. Here are the strategies you can use for difficult talk:

(a) Show respect to your spouse

(b) Important to listen to one another without interrupting

(c) Do not jump to conclusions about what your spouse is saying

(d) Respond without being critical of what your spouse has said

(e) Be aware of body language and never assume yes even if your spouse does not say no.

(f) Maintain eye contact to show interest in what your spouse say

(g) Back up your concerns with facts

(h) To compromise and reach an agreement both can live with and then set a time to track the progress

(i) Know when to get help which means if differences cannot be resolved both of you should approach a marriage counselor

(3) Seek medical help

If the low sex drive is due to certain medication, or other physical or sexual health problem, you should see a medical practitioner as soon as you can. He/she can then determine the causes of your problems and work with you to come out with solutions and if necessary to refer you to someone more qualified to handle your issues.

(4) Shared responsibilities

When something crops up in a relationship it is not just his or her problem. Even though the problem may start from one person, but if this is allowed to drag on, the problem will eventually become both parties’ problem. It is therefore necessary to recognize that both need to take responsibility for romance and to work together to build up an intimate and successful marriage. Both of you should reach joint decisions on ways to rekindle sex life as well as improving on the other aspects of your relationship.

(5) Try to set the mood in advance

Being grouchy all day or ignore your partner hurts the chance to have great sex in the evening. You should build up the tension/expectation by making sure your partner knows you have romance in your mind well in advance and continue to work up to the movement over the span of several hours. You can set the mood with flirtatious talk, proper lighting, proper music, proper food and proper settings. Go and rent some romantic or sexy movies and choose those that you know will light your partner’s fire and watch them together.

(6) Show your spouse you care

Volunteer to take up some household tasks and take turns in taking care of kids when either one is not around or busy. Do not forget anniversaries and birthdays. Give a small and unexpected gift just because you love your spouse. You should make an effort to have fun together such as cooking a romantic dinner with your spouse, spontaneous trip, walking with your spouse along the park or beach, hiking, schedule date nights, lunch dates, etc. At times, do something extraordinary such as putting a blanket on the floor in your bedroom and enjoying an intimate picnic with one another, making out in the back seat of your car or rent a motel room near your place. To spice things up, you can give your spouse an unexpected hug, a surprisingly romantic kiss or a teasing tickle.

(7) Cultivating healthy lifestyle habits

Engage in regular exercises such as running, walking, swimming or any other activity you can enjoy with your spouse. Have a balanced diet and avoid excessive drinking and smoking. Manage your stress by recognizing that nothing is perfect and despite your best effort you cannot determine the outcome of everything you do.