Although marriage has become less fashionable, especially with the young, and there are more and more people choosing to live with their partner, see them regularly but live in different homes, or stay single, people still choose to get married and put their trust into another person. Why they choose to marry may seem puzzling to those who prefer the single life. Marriage is supposed to be till death do us part and every single person who chooses to get married does so for their own reasons. A third of marriages ends in divorce and at least half of those that remain end up unhappy and staying together for reasons other than love, meaning that most people who get married end up getting a divorce or considering it seriously at some stage.

When my clients consult me in my capacity as an life coach about such matters it is very important to know all of the facts before leaning towards a YES or a NO. You need to take into account the person's needs, personality, background, finances, family situation, work and many other things because what is right for one person may be totally wrong for another. Even if you know everything you need to know about their partner and their relationship it may well be that one person would be better off divorcing that partner while another one would be better off staying with them. Even if they got married for love originally the situation is more complex than that, you cannot say well if you love someone be with them and if you do not leave, because there are lots of variables that need to be considered and this is why they are seeking out professional advice. If it was that simple people would not get confused and suffer from indecision and go to see relationship experts! There are a lot of cases where the person does not love their partner and stays and there are just as many where the partner loves their partner but leaves, usually because of the partner's unreasonable or selfish behaviour.

People stay in bad marriages for all sorts of reasons. Usually a mixture of lack of confidence, lack of self esteem, pity, family pressures, appearances, money,children, sex or loneliness. People also confuse what love is and say that they love someone they do not like, understand, trust or respect, which is nonsensical.

It may be that they need them or they fear them but you cannot love someone you have no positive thoughts about.

Anyone who understands and knows themselves and their needs is in a far better position to make decisions about their future. In an ideal World we would all know what we want from life and how to get it.

When a person is in a marriage for ulterior motives then it becomes even more complicated. Some women enter into or stay in marriages to be with a man who provides for them materially and financially. If they are dependant on that man for posessions and money and a nice home to live in then they may see it as a huge problem to leave him and choose financial security over emotional happiness. So, anyone who can provide for themselves financially will have more options and be in a much strong position.

I have known of cases of men staying with a woman simply because they cannot stand having a sexless life or coming home to an empty home after work, even though they do not trust her, like her or respect her. This sometimes leads to them looking to or having a girlfriend or flirting on the side, yet still staying with the wife who is now a stranger to them. Looking at these marriages from the outside you could wonder why he stays and wonder why the wife stays with him.

If you ask a person in a bad marriage why they stay they will always cite reasons such as children, health, religion, pity, but the truth is that they themselves are getting something out of it or they would not be there. They may be there because they are scared still to leave and stand on their own two feet or suffer criticism from their family, but it is still a reason that suits them. Where they sometimes go wrong is in forgetting that if they did have to adjust to standing on their own two feet or coping with the criticism that would be a short lived problem and they could see an end to it, but by staying they are perpetuating a never ending problem that will go on until they or their partner eventually ends the relationship or dies!

When you are unsure about whether or not to get a divorce that has to mean that there are positives to staying and you are torn between the good and the bad.Perhaps there are days where the bad seems to outweight the good and vice versa. If you talk to loved ones and ask their opinion they will all say different things and all have their own hidden agendas. A friend might suggest you leave your husband because she fancies him and wants him herself or because she is single and would like you to be single and have more time to see her.

Relationships only work when both people can trust each other and both are serious about making it work. Most relationships go wrong when one tries and the other becomes selfish, lazy or immature. If we were to make sure we got to know our future spouse well before getting married that could mean that we know all of their faults before we get married. Then at least we would not be surprised or disappointed if we found out they had a fault after and we would know what we are letting ourselves in for and make an informed decision about whether or not that is acceptable.

Some marriages are based on love, others are about giving and taking. So a woman who is happy to give great sex in return for living in a lovely house and having a credit card she can do what she likes with might think twice about whether she wishes to stay with that man if he starts to beat her up. After all, she can probably find a man who treats her better and she would not miss the one she is with. Even marriages based on life should include some elements of give and take otherwise you usually find that one gives a lot more to the other and the other just takes. That is fine for them but not fair to the giver and it leaves them with a big problem if the giver wises up and ends it.