How often do you have sex with your partner? Do you feel bored in your relationship? One important finding from a survey done by the University of Michigan on 123 married couples, who have been married for 7 years, is that being bored in the relationship led to less closeness which in turn brings about reduced satisfaction in the marriage. So how can you keep things exciting and improve sexual intimacy in your relationship especially when career and family responsibilities weigh you down?

Here are some ways to improve intimacy and keep sex exciting in your relationship:

(1) Recognize that sex is not all the time perfect

You have to face the fact. At times your sex life may not be up to your expectation and satisfaction probably due to stress and heavy family responsibilities. That is perfectly normal and it does not mean the end of the world. Sexuality like the tide of the sea ebbs and flows. It is better to accept this as a natural fact of life so that you will not get overly concerned about a possible crisis in your relationship.

(2) Talk and listen to each regularly

Even if both of you have been together for a long time in your relationship does not mean neither one of you can read each other’s minds perfectly. Therefore you have to talk to each other about your likes, dislikes, fears and concerns on sexual and non-sexual matters. Sex gets better with intimacy and improved communication. Besides talking, effective communication also requires the patience to listen to each other. Sometimes your partner only needs to vent his/her own emotions. He/she does not need you to fix his/her problems but just to listen and show you care.

(3) Never stop discovering and exploring each other

You should not assume that you know everything about your partner. Getting involved in what your partner is doing and spending time together (e.g. having a date night once a week) can help you to discover or uncover certain not-so-obvious aspects of your partner. Talking and understanding each other’s sexuality will help you to learn new things about your partner’s body and personality and lead you to discover the kinds of touch that arouse him/her a lot and the types of sex positions that bring her to orgasm quickly.

(4) Keep an open mind and be willing to experiment

Be adventurous in bed and out of bed. Take a trip to a lingerie store, step out of yourself and try to be someone or something else for the evening (role play). Dress up and play sexy games with your partner or introduce sex toys during lovemaking. Try watching an adult movie with your partner to learn some new moves. Go and see a stand-up comedy, go for hiking or horseback riding, watch live music, try new and exotic food and take dance classes together. Go and do the things you have not done before. This will show your partner how much you care. You will be surprised at how much your partner will appreciate you for considering their needs and desires. This will also help to relieve stress and boredom in your relationship and allows you to grow together at the same time.

(5) Remember that there are no hard and fast rules on matters about sex

Making love is not just about mastering the mechanical aspects of sexual techniques. You can pick up a lovemaking manual or read from the online sex guide to learn about the various techniques or sex positions. But sexuality is very personal and every woman has different sexual preferences. Before you unleash your newly acquired sexual knowledge you need to pay attention to the erotic messages behind her various body reactions to your touch and to tailor-made your moves to her individual needs. The goals like what you and your partner would like to get out of having sex and how often do you want to make love will probably change over time and no sex guide can give you any specific guidance on this matter. If you and your partner are happy with having sex once a week or once a month, then that is perfectly fine. There is no connection between sexual frequency and your sexual happiness. But if one of you wants more or less sex than the other, then you have to work things out together. It is normal to have different level of sex drives in a relationship and you should not get overly concerned and bind yourself to some commonly held thoughts.