Some speakers at a wedding become so petrified with fear at their impending speech that they actually cannot begin to enjoy themselves until after they have finished speaking. This is a real shame, because we build things up in our minds to be far worse than reality.

The truth is that even seasoned public speakers can feel nervous – politicians, businessmen and celebrities alike. They didn’t all wake up one morning and say, ‘just as well I was born a great public speaker, and otherwise I wouldn’t be able to do my job!’ The most successful public speakers learn to harness their nerves and use them to their advantage.

Preparation for public speaking doesn’t just involve practicing the words you say. You can also ensure you are physically and mentally prepared to give your speech. As you stand up your body will be in ‘fight or flight’ mode – which means that your heart will be beating fast, you may start to perspire, adrenalin will be pumping around your body and your voice may be quivering. You may also notice that your knees are knocking, your hands are shaking and there are ‘butterflies’ in your stomach. This adrenalin is actually a good thing! If you were too relaxed it would be much more difficult to give an impassioned speech. Adrenalin is an asset to public speaking but the trick is to learn how to use it rather than to fear it.

Remember that the solemn part of a wedding is the exchange of vows at the ceremony, and the reception and speeches are the celebration of the marriage. So you don’t have to be too formal. When you first stand up, it’s important to scan around the room to establish eye contact with people. This will immediately involve your audience.

Take a few deep breaths before you start. This will allow people to settle in the room and will ensure that their attention is on you. If in doubt, think one, one thousand, two, two thousand, three, three thousand and smile. Everyone in the room is interesting in hearing what you’re about to say. So if you smile they’re bound to smile back, which will instantly make you feel more at ease. If you are feeling more confident later on in your speech, you can even refer to people in the room by name (although don’t single them out in an embarrassing way!)

Use Prompts

You may want to learn your speech by heart, but to keep prompts available in case you forget what to say next. It is advisable, if you are using a prompt, to use a number of small cards rather than one or two full size pieces of paper. There are two reasons for this: you are less likely to start reading verbatim (which is much less entertaining as your voice loses some of its natural rhythm) and if you’re very nervous people close to you will be able to see the piece of paper shaking!

This brings us to the next point, what to do with your hands. Gentlemen remember your school days: it’s not polite to shove your hands in your pockets. If you’re holding your notes, don’t shuffle them or fidget too much on your feet. You probably won’t have a lectern, but if you do rest your arms on it without turning your knuckles white. If you’re not using a prompt for your speech, clasp your hands together loosely in front of you but not so tightly that you look like you’re wringing them in despair. If there is a microphone, make sure you hold it away from your mouth. You shouldn’t be able to take a bite out of it. The trick is to imagine that your voice is flowing over the microphone while it captures the essence of your voice. Volume is not a substitute for personality – you should still speak with your usual character. If the microphone starts to squeal, you could say, "If I wanted feedback, I would have asked for it." If you aren’t using a microphone, try to focus on someone three quarters of the way towards the back of the room and imagine you’re talking only to them. This will ensure that you speak at an audible volume without shouting.

Breathe

When people get nervous, they tend to use less of their lung capacity to breathe. That means that less oxygen gets into their bloodstream, and because they’re not exhaling properly it creates a build-up of carbon monoxide, which makes a voice sound pressured and unnatural. In extreme cases this can lead to panic attacks. So how can you make sure you’re breathing properly? Practice. Try this exercise - if you haven’t done breathing exercises before, it might feel a bit strange to begin with.

Stand with your feet hip-width apart, with your shoulders, neck and arms relaxed. Make sure your knees aren’t locked. Put both your hands on your stomach and breathe in slowly through your nose, counting to four. You should concentrate on getting your stomach to inflate, rather than your chest. This is the difference between deep and shallow breathing. Once you have inhaled to the count of four, breathe out to the count of four. Do this several times. With practice, you will find you can increase your inhalation and exhalation count up to seven, perhaps even to ten. You will feel yourself relaxing as you practice deep breathing.

Repeating this type of exercise several times will help you not only with voice projection but will also ensure that you are less nervous when you come to give your speech. Being more relaxed may also stop you wanting to fill the pauses between your sentences. Most people don’t realise when they’re ‘on their feet’ that their tiny silences are a lot less deafening than the ums, ahs, coughs and other tics people tend to develop while speaking in public. Again this is something that you can eliminate if you practice your speech aloud beforehand: to a friend, relative, to the mirror or even to your web cam.

It is very rude to heckle someone while they are giving a wedding speech, but in the unlikely event that it happens to you, there’s no need to shrivel in fear. You can prepare for it by ensuring you have a couple of one-liners to throw back at whoever has interrupted you. If it’s a man, you can always look at your watch in a bemused fashion and say "I know it’s traditional to have one embarrassing drunk at a wedding, but this must be a record." If it’s a woman who heckles you, you could say "It’s all right, love, your time will come - you might even catch the bouquet."

Think Positive

Imagine how you want the speech to go, rather than allowing to get yourself into the ‘As long as I survive this…’ mindset. If you look as though you are relaxed and enjoying yourself, you will start to do so - as will your audience.

Remember, it’s normal to feel anxious! One technique is to look at the people in front of you, notice what they’re wearing, the hats, and to concentrate on any bright colours. Once you’ve scanned the room, taken a few deep breaths and begun to speak, you’ll be amazed at how easily the rest flows.

As you’re preparing for and practicing your speech, visualise the positive reception you’ll get from everyone once you’ve given it. Remind yourself that you are giving a speech on what is a very special day, and that you will deliver it well. So when it comes to giving a memorable wedding speech, practice and adrenaline are your friends. If you are prepared you will take as much pleasure from giving your speech as those who are listening to it. Most importantly of all, make sure you enjoy yourself.