It would appear that in all the years that I have been helping couples, there always seem to be similar items that pop up that cause divorce. Nevertheless the funny thing is that they do not have to always lead to divorce. Rather, most divorces and breakups are the consequence of one or both partner's unwillingness to learn from the conflicts that exist in all primary relationships. Then again, there can be real issues that cause divorce.

Not to long ago, I counseled a couple that has been in good need of my help. Mary and Cal met when Mary was 38 and Cal was 47. The man had been in a union previously and had three grown kids with the woman having not ever been married before. When they were going out the husband told the gal that he had no desire to have more kids. Initially the wife supported the idea but, in time, wanted more and more to have kids.

Before to long, the gal decided it was time to bring up the subject of having kids together. Cal was appalled. He felt angry, trapped and betrayed by Mary's secret hope, as well as by her dishonesty. The wife thought that by applying pressure the husband would cave in. But he stayed committed to his decision not to have any more children.

Understand that the love quotes that we all read must be an inspiration and not a judgment. Sure, everyone of us wants a love like that which is in the quotes about love. However, that type of love is one that is cultivated instead of only stumbled upon.

There was a guy and gal who found each other when they were in their sixties. The two of them had both been apart of terrible relationships before ending up with them.

However, Hal had married when he was very young. The husband worked long hours to pay all the bills. It was only later that he realized that he had no time to do all the things that he wanted in his heart to do such as exploring other countries. Yet his feelings for his wife made him feel trapped. He wanted his freedom. It was his desires that bound him in turmoil

Dishonesty about money can also be a deal-breaker, such as finding out that your mate is earning money by selling drugs or through some other illegal operation.

It seems that a lot of marriage breakers are in reality just problems with a lack of true talking together and letting go of selfish desires. But some conflicts are true deal-breakers.