11 Habits That's Killing Your Marriage


  • Author Martin Onyekachi
  • Published December 21, 2022
  • Word count 1,475

There are habits that a husband or wife indulges in that look harmless at first but if he or she continues indulging in such habits, they will eventually kill the marriage. The effect of these habits may not be visible to the couple at first but over time, they continue to nib at the foundation of their love relationship until bringing it down brick by brick until such as time when the couple begins wondering what has become of the love they once professed for each other. These habits will continue to take a steady jab at the foundation of their love relationship until they bring the house down to the point when they start considering divorce as the only option available to them. We are going to examine 11 of these habits.

  1. Suspicion

Suspicion has a way of undermining the trust that exists between two persons in a relationship or marriage and eventually bring the relationship or marriage down. A husband or wife may suspect his or her partner of adultery or keeping another lover. Before you accuse your spouse of cheating, you must have concrete evidence. When you form the habit of accusing a non cheating spouse, you may demoralize him or her to extent that he or she begins to wonder whether his or her faithfulness in the marriage is worth the effort at all. This mind set will eventually lead him or her into adultery. Sometimes it’s better to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt by trusting him or her.

  1. Keeping secret from your spouse

Many couple makes the mistake of hiding important information from their spouse. Some hide information such as landed property, amount they earn. Children gotten from past relationship, underlining health challenges like HIV status, fibroid, damaged uterus etc. God who originated marriage intends that couple should be open to each other. Genesis 2:25 says they (Adam and Eve) were both naked and not ashamed. Recently it was on social media that groom walked out of his marriage on learning that the bride had 3 children for another man and she hid from him.

  1. Cold Treatment

This is when you stop talking to your spouse as a punishment for what he or she did. Couple should make it a habit to regularly seat down and talk during which time all the cards are laid on the table and make their points clearly to ensure and not assume that their partner understood the point they are making. This action has a way of diffusing tension in a relationship.

  1. Adultery

Adultery is a potent killer of marriage. A man or woman who is into adultery can never be satisfied with his or her spouse. It leads to unnecessary compares. The man involved in it begins to compare his wife with the other woman or women. Adultery is a very wasteful and expensive habit as the scarce resources that should have been deplored to cater for the home is used to cater for another woman and her children. The most painful part for the man involved in it is that the children of his mistress will hardly appreciate or reciprocate his effort or kind gesture in future when are grown but will sooner or later run back to their biological father in he is still alive. Children are often never in support of separation of their parent. So more often than not, the man finds out after long time, that the children of her mistress have been harboring ill feeling towards him all along, seeing him as a factor responsible for the separation of their parents. The adulterer or adulteress may even contract Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and transfer same to his or faithful partner. In many instances, adultery starts with what is known as psychological adultery. This happens when a married man or woman becomes closer to a person of the opposite sex more than he or she is to his or her spouse in which case they are emotionally involved with each other without the actual adultery taking place. It’s only a matter if time, psychological adultery will eventually lead to actual adultery unless it is nibbed in the bud.

Infidelity seems to be higher among African Americans than their white counterparts. Institutes of Family Studies (www.ifstudies.org) reports that 28% of married black Americans admitted that they have had sex with someone other than their spouses as compared to 20% for white Americans and 16% for Hispanics who admitted same.

  1. Preferring parents or sibling above spouse

Some wives or husbands prefer their siblings or parents above their spouses. They prefer to confide in their siblings or parents instead of their spouses. God intended marriage to be for companionship. The Bible says it is not good for a man to be alone… (Genesis 2:18). The  ideal marriage is that in which the husband is his wife’s best friend and vice versa.

  1. Over Jealousy

Normal level jealousy good and healthy for the relationship because it shows that the person being jealous love his or her partner since everyone will protect that which he or she loves. But when the jealousy becomes excessive, it chokes the relationship and eventually kills it. An over jealous spouse raises an alarm on seeing his or her partner with a colleague in the office or former classmate of the opposite sex. He or she needs assurance regularly of the love of her partner. An over jealous partner shows that he or she is battling with the problem of insecurity.

7.  Addiction

There are so many things that people can be addicted to. These include drugs, multiple sex partners, alcohol, cigarettes, masturbation, pornography, sports, online betting etc.  A man addicted to a habit does not have a hold over the habit rather the habit has a hold over him.  An addict puts his addiction first before his wife or children. An addict provides for his addiction before he provides for his family. Many times he spends hugely on his addiction leaving his family to suffer deprivation. An addict should deal with his or her addiction before considering marriage. Some ladies who are desperate for marriage make the terrible mistake of entering into marriage with an addict with the hope that he will change in future. Somebody rightly said that people rarely get better after marriage but rather they get worse.

  1. Interference by in-laws

Some men run to their mother to take instruction or advice in every little matter  on how to run their family while some women run to their parents to ask for money to solve even the slightest financial need in their new home. This brings unnecessary external pressure in a young marriage, as your benefactor will like to decide what happens in your marriage. As the saying goes, ‘he who pays the piper dictates the tune’. Couples in their early stage of marriage should resist the temptation to run to parents when financial need arise, or for advice on how to run their home. They should depend of God and believe in themselves to handle their affairs by themselves.

  1. Inability to keep family secrets within the family

Many couples have the habit of taking their family matters to parents, siblings, friends, or colleagues in the office. Couples should keep the family secrets within the family. When you reveal your spouse’s fault to someone else, he or she looses respect for your spouse. When you tell your parents or siblings the offence committed by your spouse against you, it lingers in their minds for a long time even after your spouse has repented of that action and has asked for your forgiveness.

  1. Laziness

When a man refuses to work and depends on his wife for upkeep of the home, he looses respect from the wife and even in-laws. God mandates the man to cater for his family (Proverbs 5:8) and God abhors laziness (2nd Thessalonians 3:10).

  1. Lack of sexual intimacy

Sexual intimacy helps to maintain stability in marriage. Apostle wrote in  1st Cor.7:2-6 ‘Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.   3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence:  and likewise also the wife unto the husband.   4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband:  and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.   5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer;  and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.’ Lack of sexual intimacy may lead to adultery which has been pointed as one major marriage killer. Couple must understand that sex is bodily need just like food or sleep but God’s intention is that it must be satisfied within the confines of marriage.

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