Keeping it Casual (or no great expectations)

Social IssuesSexuality

  • Author Judy Porter
  • Published November 20, 2007
  • Word count 737

There are those of us who’d like to keep it simple. Just as some people can be elaborate in their day-to-day lives, there are some who choose to have casual sex, as some would opt to have a frappucino without the whipped cream, or have a salad without the dressing. And if this strikes you as too simplistic, it actually can be. Just as relationships can bring a lot of baggage from both parties, sex with expectations for the morning after can be wearying, tedious and, quite frankly, a hassle if you’re just in it for the biological pleasure and release, and nothing more.

You could arrive at this decision for a number of reasons: It might be that you’ve decided to take a break from the decidedly more serious dating pool. You might have an aversion to commitment. You might have had your heart broken one time too many, but can’t go without the sex – then, later on decided that you’d rather risk your body to someone new altogether than your great jerk of an ex. Or you might just want to have this kind of experience for curiosity’s sake.

Whatever your reasons are, dating for casual sex isn’t as light as it seems. Take these precautions if you are going into this with a person you barely know. First, it would be a lot more practical, not to mention, safe, to actually get to know a prospective date a bit before jumping into bed. Whether you meet the person online or face to face, get the basic info – names, occupations, some details for background checking, and get a feel of if you could actually trust this person to bare your body in a darkened room. For this purpose, even if it’s through an online dating site, try to spend an amount of time during the date chatting it up. I’m all for the thrill of meeting in darkened corners and getting it on, but we have to face the facts that there’s the big issue of caution to consider here.

Second, make plans for the night itself. Tell someone reliable and trustworthy of what you are planning to do and make sure that that person checks up on you after a period of time. Have code words that only the both of you can understand. Come to think of it, you could let your date know that you’ve got all your bases covered, just to stay safe. It would also be better to have The Talk before anything else. Tell each other your expectations. Have the casual sex on mutual grounds. For sure, the other party has reservations and concerns, too.

With these bases covered, it’s time to look at the more fun aspect of the date. If it so happens that both of you enjoy the experience, you might just want a repeat so make sure to put your best foot forward. There’s no hesitation here because you will be displaying "the goods" and your heart won’t be involved – as it should be. Prior to the date, take a long bath and scrub everything that needs to be scrubbed. Be hairless in areas where you are expected to be hairless. Make sure you’ve got contraception covered, as well as the necessary treatments/medication so you won’t contract STD’s. Though hardly sexually arousing, you could go one step further and ask your partner if he/she has been tested for AIDS and STDs. These steps will ensure that you will have peace of mind and you won’t be thinking about any other things except the pleasure of it all.

And because this is casual sex we’re talking about, you’ll most probably land a partner who wants to keep it casual as much as you do. Avoid futuristic questions and plans. This is the time to live for the moment and not dampen it with questions on when you’ll meet his/her friends or parents. Also be clear on what is expected of you sexually, and what you expect in return. After all, you might be thinking about the more traditional routes of sex, when he could be thinking about fetishes altogether.

The rule of thumb – you can’t get it down on paper, but be vocal about everything you both want, and then enjoy!

Judy Porter, contributing writer for www.hornyfishing.com, a free online dating service for singles. Dating is all well and good but sometimes you just want to skip the appetizers and head straight for the sweet stuff. HornyFishing.com, helps singles in a hurry get to home base fast.

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