This question all depends on how your relationship ended. You may have both ended the partnership on amicable terms therefore there is no anger between the both of you. Yet if one of you ended the relationship due to being hurt by the other because of unfaithfulness or mistreatment then it’s probable that you will not wish to continue any kind of relationship in the future because that person did not work for you.

The Offender:

If you are the offending partner and wish to have a friendship with your ex, you’re most likely asking for too much. The ex wants to move on and get past the pain of it all, and seeing you may just make it linger and cause resentment. Whenever certain situations arise (now that you are just friends) that remind them of your mistreatment towards them, they will take it on you and feel it all over again.

We humans hold grudges, especially a woman scorned. Men tend to move on faster, even if they are emotionally scarred, they hide it well and get on with it. Women on the other hand, will hold their sorrow closer to their heart rather than their head, and wear it like a war medal…a purple heart.

You can, after allowing the debris and dust to settle, contact your ex and ask to catch up because you miss his/her company, but you MUST respect your ex if he/she does not want to see you anymore because of the hurt it stirs up for them. Some of us were meant to meet for a reason, others for a season, some for a lifetime.

The Hurt:

If you were the one who was hurt in the relationship, you may find that after some time the pain has eased and you miss your ex and wish to build a friendship with him/her. Think about this very carefully because remember: you were hurt and your ex treated you unkindly, so there may be some "hard feelings" on your part. Be sure that your reasons for wanting a friendship are healthy. Meeting your ex after the pain has subsided may cause you to feel it all over again, so be sure you have dealt with the loss of your lover before entering into a friendship with him/her.

If on the other hand, your ex contacts you and wishes to see you again as friends, and you are not able to do that then be honest with him/her. Honesty after all, is always the best policy. It’s your right to move on and put the ex and past where it belongs, behind you. It was an experience which has made you stronger and brought you to where you are in your life but there is no reason to rekindle what is now well and truly over for you.

The Amicable Break-up:

So let us assume that it ended on a friendly, no hard feelings basis. Friendship is possible if you both found you got along really well but simply did not have the connection and compatibility to make it work. Some of us are meant to be friends, and when you have been in an intimate relationship with another, it’s not a bad foundation for a long-lasting friendship. Specially when the sexual tension is out of the way and you can understand each other on a different level. You will find that it’s very easy and you will both enjoy watching one another grow, finding new love and being supportive. Ex partners are great to discuss your new relationships with because they have shared that with you and can have a very different perspective than a "normal" friend would have.

The Sex Ex:

You have broken up with your partner because you were better friends than you were lovers, it wasn’t a nasty break up and you still catch up with your mutual group of friends and enjoy one another’s company in these social situations. When your around each other you may find yourself wanting to have sex because it’s familiar and you’re both still single. This is fine as long as you both understand what you both want from the friendship, TALK to each other and set the boundaries, if there are any. If you feel that your ex still has feelings for you and may wish to try again and you don’t, then make it clear to him/her that all you want is friendship. If you are the one who is still in love with your ex and you know sex is just going to make you want him/her even more, tell them because you will only hurt yourself if the feeling is not mutual. In short communicate your intentions with one another and don’t allow either of you to get hurt in the process, it’s important if you wish to maintain a healthy relationship, otherwise it will end on nasty terms.

So can you be friends with your ex? Sure you can, and sure you cannot. It is all about choice and what works for you. If you wish to be friends with your ex let them know and either way respect their decision to say yes or no. This is not rocket science, it is simply a matter of what works for you. Good luck!