A break up is always an emotional time. Losing your husband or wife after vowing to live happily ever after is always difficult and traumatizing, and may seem leagues more important than when breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend, because there's property to be divided and custody to be determined and alimony to pay. But breaking up with a girlfriend or boyfriend is just as difficult and traumatizing because of the enormous emotional loss that's always involved with a break up.

If it's the kind of break up that has you waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, or not letting you sleep at all, you may start thinking that it was the kind of love that may never come again. This would naturally lead to believing that she or he was the one, and now they're gone forever.

Or perhaps, all is not lost? Once you find a moment in between crying bouts, ask yourself if the relationship is still salvageable? If the answer is yes, undeniably yes, without missing a beat yes, then ask yourself another question - why are you so upset?

Are you worried that nobody may love you the same way that you were loved in that past relationship or that nobody may love you at all ever again? This is a real fear to consider, but don't get back together with your ex if this is the case. First of all, look at the main root of your fear - you are afraid of spending an eternity alone. It's not about the other person in particular, it's about you. The other person is merely a convenience - he was around, she knows everything about you and you can wear your hideous underwear in front of her, and so on. The main point is, you may not be as broken hearted and devastated as you thought you were, you're just not willing to start from scratch looking for your next relationship.

What you should do is learn to relax and love yourself a bit more. Look at this break up as more a time for you to rediscover who you are, independent from anyone else. Find hobbies and new interests, preferably things that you would be good at. This will build your self-esteem and keep your feelings of hopelessness at bay. And you become a better person, with or without a significant other validating this for you.

Now, if your answer to "Why are you so upset?" is all about the other person - how your ex is so great and how genuinely sorry you are that you contributed to the downfall of your relationship, then this relationship is definitely worth saving.

Of course, your ex might not want to get back together with you. Respect their wishes, offer to be friends and try not to ask for too much of themselves as real friends would. Your ex will appreciate this thoughtfulness and even if you don't actually get back together, they'll still be in your life. And that's better than their being gone forever, isn't it?