Many of us are likely to forget that kissing, when properly gone about, can be a real pleasure. And unlike so many modern pastimes, it requires no mechanical equipment, little training, and small danger. The man who spends his time kissing can score greens fees, caddies, ski tows, and overhauling of motors. He can laugh at the weather, can feel safe from bodily injury, strains, sunburn, poison ivy, and the like. Locker room arguments with their lasting bitterness can be forgotten. And today, with our social advances, men have more and more time away from office and factory, more golden hours of leisure. Use them!

The Long Range View

However, there are times when pleasure must yield to sober thought, times when we must take the long range view. Just as important as knowing how to kiss is knowing when to kiss, and —even more important— when not to. If it seems to you that your wife is beginning to take you for granted, if for example she greets you in the evening wearing an old pair of slacks, it is time for discipline.

The Neglected Kiss

For several days neglect to kiss your wife. If she is used to it she may, by sheer habit, place herself in a kissing position, lips extended, body quivering, and face full of affection. Give her an excuse.

"Oh. Sorry, Baby. Don't want to give you this cold."

"I didn't notice you had a cold."

"You would if you kissed me, pet."

The next time an opportunity arises, say a few hours later, give her a different excuse. This is important.

"Oh, sorry, pet. Don't want you to catch this sore throat."

"I thought it was a cold, Davie."

"Where in the world did you get that idea, Love?"

The Automatic Kiss

This is sometimes referred to as the Kissless Kiss, and can be administered on the cheek or forehead, though the real expert can do it directly on the lips. If it is kept quick, dry, and sexless the lip technique is by far the most effective.

The humorous, or end-of-the-nose kiss is equally sexless, but carries with it a note of forgiveness.

The Slightly Preoccupied Kiss

Kiss her almost ardently, then break off suddenly and write something down in a memo pad.

"What are you writing, Davie?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Tell me, Davie, tell me?"

"Nothing at all, pet."

(Close the memo pad.)

"Where were we? Oh, yes, come here!"

Or, during the course of an ardent embrace, start humming something softly, but not too softly.

"David, what are you humming?"

"Our song, Baby."

"That isn't our song, David."

"No?" (Stop humming and go on with whatever you were doing.)

The Delayed Morning Kiss

A few weeks of skillful treatment should snap her back into line, if she is made of the right stuff. If so, be big. Take her back into the fold. It is best to do this dramatically, and one good method is the delayed morning kiss. Leave a few minutes early for work, drive once around the block, then rush back to the house. "Forget something, Davie?"

"Sure did, pet. Forgot to kiss you good-by. There!" Kiss her soundly, but don't overdo it. This is most effective if you have neglected to kiss her good-by for the last three or four mornings. Then leave for work. She will await your return eagerly.

The Anticipated Kiss

Closely related to the above, is the anticipated lass, also referred to as the delayed kiss, type two. Indicate subtly that you do plan to kiss her. Bend toward her slowly and then, as your lips almost touch, laugh softly. "Oh. It just occurred to me. Funny thing happened at the office today." Tell your little anecdote. When you finally do kiss her, she will appreciate it all the more.

The Burning Kiss

The mechanics of this are simple to perfect. In fact, you can do almost anything as long as you do it slowly. It is the real expert, however, who adds afterwards the lovable, boyish touch.

"Gosh!" (Give her a big smile.) "Gosh, Mom, that was keen!"

The Question of Ears

You will find that women are sharply divided on their reactions to the ear kiss or even, in extreme cases, the ear bite. They either like this very much, or not at all. Experiment once or twice, gingerly. If it fans her quickly into a flame you have another arrow in your quiver, another card in your deck. Remember it.

"Should I Kiss Her Hand?"

Though not actually subversive, hand-kissing is UnAmerican, and should be used only in extreme cases. A word of warning: like eating peanuts, hand-kissing is habit-forming and difficult to stop once begun. If not curbed it can give your wife's hand a chapped or nibbled look and can bring you infection and loss of appetite.