The old theory in relationships is that if you want someone to do something, ask enough times and they will go ahead and do it. However, as time progressed, this became known as nagging and wasn’t considered the best way to create change in your relationship. But there are ways to use repetition in your relationship in order to influence their actions.

Why repetition works

When you constantly think about a certain idea or image, you will remember it more frequently, which then leads to adding more importance or value to it. What you want to do is create a value on your words with your partner - why else would you be repeating them? Repetition actually helps to grow different synapses in the brain so that the brain focuses on those messages more quickly than they did before.

So if you’ve asked your partner to do something so many times, after a while they will begin to think of it on their own.

Repeating letters

In writing circles, the use of alliteration is one of the most common ways to provide emphasis for words or for phrases. By using the same letter sounds over and over, the words become stuck in a reader’s mind and they are drawn to them. Generally speaking, the letter should be at the front of the word in order to be the most meaningful and easiest to detect. When you’re in the midst of a discussion, it might be difficult to try to achieve this, but it’s well worth the effort when you’re trying to influence someone.

Repeating words

Another language trick that you can use to influence your partner is to try to repeat the same words over and over when you are speaking. However, this should be a lot more subtle than it sounds. For example, when you are trying to convince someone to do something for you, you will want to repeat that favor over and over in the conversation. You could say it once and then repeat it a few minutes later in the context of another topic of discussion. Then you could reiterate it at the end.

You can also find ways to repeat words in certain numbers. Creating lists of chores, for example, might include the same chore over and over in order to drive the point home that you want your partner to do that.

Be persistent

Many times, partners that aren’t communicating well with their loved ones will honestly not hear what you are trying to tell them, so you will need to repeat your requests over and over. Try to do this when you’re not upset or agitated so that you’re not attaching emotion to the request, but merely asking for a favor. People love to help others out and feel like they are needed, but when it seems like someone is badgering them, it can feel as though they are being attacked.

What not to do

But when you want to use repetition as a way to influence your partner, you will want to be more subtle about the way in which you do it. Since you are with this person much of the time, they will be able to tell when you are trying to drop hints about things that you need or want. You don’t want to inundate them with repetition or else they might begin to block it out.

To overcome this possibility, you will want to find different ways of creating repetition. You could leave out articles about something that you want to discuss. Talk about it in relation to another couple or just bring it up every now and then. This isn’t about being sneaky; it’s about promoting change in a way that allows your partner to feel as though they are the ones that initiated it.

If they feel attacked

When using repetition, it can help to stop the process on occasion so that it doesn’t become burdensome to the person. If your partner starts to question whether or not you are tricking them, it’s time to switch tactics. Try to avoid the technique that seemed to bother them the most. Actually, once they start to ask you what you’ve been doing, you may want to just sit down and start talking with them about your concerns – you have their full attention at that point.