There is an old adage that men hug women so they can make love and women make love in order for their men to hold them. Have you heard this before? From my experience meeting with couples I have to admit that for most of them it had gone beyond that. For most women making love had become something they endured because they love their husbands. Despite their husbands’ insensitivity in the bedroom. Most men don’t get it and most women don’t know how to explain it.

Our society does not teach or support intimacy. Our society teaches a sexuality that is raw and shallow. A man who thinks he is a good lover believes giving his wife an orgasm is all she looks forward to. This attitude is actually considered progressive compared to the man who just expects his wife to please him. For the most part men are clumsy and women are inarticulate when it comes to intimacy. In fact it is difficult to call the sexual interaction between most couples intimacy, at all. In most cases the man is doing what he thinks he needs to do in order to "please" his wife so he can ejaculate. Most men are not thinking about pleasing their wives just for the sake of pleasing them. And most women are trying to please their husband just so they can be done with it. Perhaps the most general exception is when the couple has a glass or two of wine, imagining they are having what they actually desire. Isn’t that sad? Rather than enjoying intimacy through a true connection a couple must mask their feelings in order to pretend they are being fulfilled. A huge number of couples do not even want to see each other with their clothes off.

Our culture has intimacy so confused that our schools teach sex education without gender interaction. Men and women have learned to be aroused by the most material aspects of intimate interaction. Sex in its crudest form has replaced true intimacy. The heart and genitalia have become separated from each other. Instead, the genitalia control the mind to the exclusion of the heart. Raw sexuality devours beautiful intimacy, and the heart is left unsatisfied.

In marriage a couple has the perfect platform to discover each other from the tips of the toes to the depths of their souls. With the right guidance and a little bit of instruction a husband and wife’s intimate moments can be absolutely amazing while providing gratification and fulfillment for the heart. In my lessons for a happy marriage I put off instruction on intimacy until the very last chapter because the road to intimacy must begin with a new understanding of what a true marital relationship looks like. The road towards intimacy weaves through understanding each other along with how to behave, how to communicate and how to please one another. Intimacy and a perfect relationship, which there’s no reason for you to not have, neither begins nor ends in the bedroom. It is the marriage itself. Don’t give up on your pursuit of the perfect marital relationship complete with intimacy. It is something you can have. But for now remember how much you love your spouse and don’t forget to tell him or her, "I love you."