An average couple’s sex life may be compared to a campfire. The first few years of marriage, it is bright, glowing and red hot. But as time pass by, it becomes dull and bleak until all the lights go out and there’s only darkness. Why is it that the fire burns out after a few years of marriage? How can everything become so monotonous and boring? There comes a time in every couple’s life when the frequency of having sex is close to none. In real life, there are jobs that we have to go to, children to take care of, responsibilities left and right.

There is simply no time left for physical intimacy. Either that, or you’re simply too tired to attempt anything—scared that you might fall asleep in the middle of making love. Is it too late to rekindle the fire and bring back the passion? Sex as we know it, involves kissing, fondling and intercourse. What a lot of us don’t know and fail to understand is this: Sex is also communication. Sexual communication is just like any conversation between two people. It can be intimate, stimulating and deeply satisfying, or it can be lackluster, distant and degrading. Being able to listen and knowing how to respond may be just the way to lead us out of the boredom.

The key to a successful sexual communication is to understand what our partner needs and knowing how to meet those needs. But HOW? Let go of the misconceptions and false beliefs about what is good sex. Myth of the Big Bang: this is an all-or-nothing theory. It’s either a thundering and deafening explosion of sexual excitement or, never mind, let’s play bridge. Discovering what your partner needs or knowing how to pleasure each other is unheard of in this myth. It is always assumed that two bodies create sexual fireworks automatically. In reality, however, good sex requires conscious effort and open communication just as everything else in marriage.

Myth of the Big Stick: this myth implies that a real man can sustain prolonged erection for hours, can control their orgasms and have one whenever they want to, and is constantly on fire. But in real life, such man with supernatural sexual powers is yet to be found. The truth is: during intercourse, a man’s average erection time is approximately ten minutes. Drugs, such as Viagra, may help sustain an erection but only for a few hours (one guy claimed that he went for 16 hours, is he for real??).After an orgasm, a man needs two hours at the very least to recover in order to achieve a second orgasm.

The average man doesn’t know about the three F’s of sexual pleasure: flirtation, foreplay, and fantasy. He has no idea that it’s okay to ask his wife what she wants so that he can satisfy her sexual needs too. Myth of the Big O. The female counterpart of the Myth of the Big Bang; it says that a woman who can’t have orgasm is a sexual failure or frigid. As a result, a lot of couples stress out on whether she has already climaxed or not, and so neither of them are able to relax and enjoy sex. The tension that they both feel is in fact, the reason why she can’t let herself loose and experience full sexual pleasure.

The truth is, if the couple would only pay attention to giving and receiving pleasure, sexual satisfaction and even orgasm is not that hard to achieve. Want good sex? Say it! There’s no better way than communicating with your partner to learn about each other’s needs. If you want to rekindle the fire and keep it burning, tell and show your partner how you want to be touched and what turns you on. Remember: don't be afraid to ask about your partner’s needs too.