Meeting a wonderful woman and taking her to bed is an exciting, intimidating event. It’s not enough to just show up and go through the motions – you want to rock her world, so that she’ll keep coming back for more. So how do you become the considerate, assured lover that will drive her wild? It’s not as difficult as you might think, if you know a few basic lovemaking secrets.

1. Slow down. To make a woman crazy in bed, you need to slow it way, way down. And not just between the sheets, either – slow it down before you ever get there. There’s a much-quoted speech in the film “Bull Durham” in which Kevin Costner’s character, Crash Davis says, “I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last for three days.”

Take your time getting your lady into bed, allowing the anticipation to build. Remember, good sex starts in the mind, and the longer she’s imagining what it will be like to make love to you, the better it will be when you get there. Then, once the two of you are horizontal, check your more animalistic impulses and slow down the action – most women need some time to fully build to full arousal, so settle in for some serious foreplay.

2. Rediscover the joys of making out. That would be the serious foreplay just mentioned – the time spent with your clothes still on, kissing and touching each other and slowly making each other crazy with passion. Continue the making out once you’re in bed and the clothes come off, kissing her neck, slowly running your hands over her thighs, fondling her breasts. If you fully enjoy every touch, ever caress, every moment that you share with her, she’ll feel relaxed and appreciative, and she’ll start to want more.

3. Talk to her. That doesn’t mean muttering dirty things in her ear (although some women do like that). It means stay connected with her as you make love by asking her what she likes, how she likes it, and if you’re touching her in ways she enjoys. One of the biggest mistakes men make in bed is thinking that they’re required to be excellent lovers without asking for any pointers from their partner – and nothing could be further from the truth. All women respond differently to sexual touching.

Some women have very sensitive breasts and only like very gentle caresses, while others enjoy more vigorous handling. The same is true for a woman’s clitoris, as some are very sensitive, others require more direct stimulation. There are only two ways to know what a woman enjoys in bed – observe her reactions, and ask her what she likes. She may be a little shy about telling you at first, but keep checking in with her as you touch her and she’ll not only appreciate your sensitivity, she’ll be more likely to get what she needs from you in bed.

4. Encourage her fantasies. If you’ve been with a woman for awhile and she consistently has trouble relaxing and letting go, try a little roleplaying. Talk to her about what she finds sexy, what sorts of fantasies she has, and then try a little make-believe. You don’t have to go so far as to dress up in costumes and use props – unless you both want to, of course. For starters, you can just treat it like a grown-up bedtime story, talking to each other about what your alter-ego is doing, or what they want you to do. This exercise is surprisingly effective. A woman who would never in a million years do anything of a morally questionable nature may find that pretending to be a prostitute frees her to be a wild woman in bed. Anything that the two of you do together is okay, so long as it’s consensual – so let your imaginations roam where they may.

5. Remember that wetter is better. As a woman’s arousal builds, her vagina will become lubricated – and that’s not just a sign that she’s enjoying herself, it’s a vitally necessary part of the lovemaking process. This is another reason for long, slow, passionate foreplay, as the more aroused she is, the more natural lubrication there’ll be to facilitate intercourse. But just like with a man, sometimes a woman’s body doesn’t cooperate no matter how much she’d like it to. She may be on a medication that affects her hormones, or perhaps she’s just dehydrated because she hasn’t been drinking enough water – there are a number of reasons it can happen. So be prepared with a good lubricant just in case.

There are products designed to mimic a woman’s natural lubrication, and there are far preferable to using hand lotions or baby oil, which have perfumes and other additives that can be irritating. Among the more popular lubricants are Astroglide, WET and K-Y, and they come in a variety of formulations, including gels that warm when you use them or flavored liquids. Just make sure that you use a water-based lubricant if you’re using condoms, as oil-based lubes will weaken latex, increasing the risk of condom breakage.